WHEN IS SEX EXPECTED? HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? HOW LITTLE IS TOO LITTLE?

WHEN IS SEX EXPECTED? HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH? HOW LITTLE IS TOO LITTLE?

 

HOW OFTEN SHOULD MARRIED COUPLES TO BE HAVING TO MAINTAIN A HAPPY MARRIAGE AND HEALTHY SEX LIFE?

We’ve all been there… struggling to juggle ourselves, family, jobs, chores, etc. Sadly the one thing we tend to forget to put at the top of our list is our partner, both emotionally and with intimacy, which inevitably in turn makes our husbands and marriage suffer in all the rest of these areas. But how often should we actually be having sex in some way shape or form?

Marriage Counselors, Religious leaders, Surveyed couples, and other Experts all agree that healthy and happy marriages consist of having sex somewhere around once or twice a week on average. Sure there will be weeks when we just flat out forget or don’t have time for it, or there may be weeks where we just want to hump like bunny rabbits 3-4 times a week, but on average 1-2 times tends to lead to happy marriages.

The New Testament Preaches frequently the importance of having a healthy sex life, both to keep our spouse from cheating on us, and to bring us closer together. We read in Corinthians Paul exhorting the saints to never go long periods of time between having intimacy between your spouse, because doing so will not only lead the neglected spouse to be tempted by others, but because it leads to the marital bond slowly dying, LITERALLY DYING! It is as serious of sin as committing adultery in the gospels eyes.

Sex is one half of the glue that holds marriages together, the other 50% being our emotional connection. For a Spouse to say “Sex just isn’t important to me right now, you’ll just have to be patient” is as if to say “Hey, I’m planning on breaking my marriage vows for a while, I’ll give you 50% of the love you deserve, deal with it”. And for anyone who’s never gone through this pain IT HURTS, more than you ever can comprehend, for many it’s as if they had a loved one die, it’s sad, depressing, frustrating, humiliating, belittling, and mind numbingly confusing. If ignored long enough we eventually lose who we are, we can’t function in any way shape or form.

Certainly Sex doesn’t make a marriage, but it sure as heck will break one if its absent… So does this mean we need to say yes every time he or she advances on us? Absolutely not! But it does mean that if we do turn our partner down that we have a good reason, and communicate to them our intent to make it happen another time soon. What I recommend to all couples I speak with is to: 1- have meaningful enthusiastic sex weekly, and 2- to either do it again later in the week, but if this isn’t possible pull your partner aside and give them a quick 5-7 minutes of oral relief. Pull him into the shower and blow him, or pull her in the laundry room and suck her off on the dryer maybe, whatever it takes to get to that magic number of 2.

Sex begets sex. Speaking generally, two orgasms per week result in an "increase of desire" for women, says Watson, producing a higher sex drive overall. If you're with a man, two orgasms per week lead "men to feel less anxious sexually," she says, though the same could also definitely be said for women.


On the flip side, no sex engenders no sex: A low libido can be a side effect of being out of the habit. "Desire in women is suppressed" when there's a "lack of partner connection" and/or a "poor body image," Watson says. To combat both, she prescribes more sex. "Two orgasms a week often means she is naked twice a week and her inhibitions don’t build up," she says. Plus, "her partner is often in a better mood, less apt to be cranky for lack of sex." 

WHEN ARE WE AS MARRIED SPOUSES EXPECTED TO ENGAGE SEXUALLY?

So here are some times in marriage that you are definitely expected to bang it out so to speak, make no mistake that one of you expect in your mind that sex MUST happen on these dates.

New Years Day: Some type of fun sex or oral. Not in the bed, instead on a couch, chair, counter, car, or even discreetly in public.

Valentines Day: Take plenty of time to put thought & effort into V-day, bring new things in, making an extra effort to do things they enjoy sexually, surprise them romantically and rock their world for hours on end (if not all night long).

St Patrick’s Day: Known for being the kinky sex day for most couples, spank each other, biting & nibbling frequently, scratching, dirty talk is a must. F me already! I’m Irish!

4th of July: bang, bang (need I say more). Not necessarily a must have night for sex, but most couples do.

Halloween: must! If you don’t screw your partner on this night you may has well just sign the divorce papers now! Costume sex is a must! A MUST! Freaky, hard, lots of oral, slutty it up, the more the better.

Birthday: Perhaps the most important day for selflessness sexual service and love. As a lover if you don’t get this one day right they will resent you for weeks… Sex is a must! But even more importantly ORAL SEX IS A MUST! They call it a birthday Blowjob for a reason haha. I can’t tell you how many men sigh each year wondering if this the year their selfish wife will finally grow a pair and give head for once in their marriage. A birthday without bj’s (or cunnilingus for that matter for us) is just terrible.

Anniversary: 2-3 times per day! PER DAY! Or if on vacation 3+ per day. The emotionally heart breaking stories of men who surprise their wife with a extended getaway out of town is overwhelming! The guy plans a romantic getaway at a hotel out of town, takes her out on the town for great dates, meals, adventures, and yet every day/night of the trip she avoids sex like the plague until the last day when she finally throws him a bone. Anniversaries are the 1 day of the year when you should be having sex at minimum once or twice a day if not more. If your man takes you away for a trip, you had better spread those legs woman…

Dates: (sometimes), but most dates married couples expect some form of sex (even oral) to be included by nights end.

Hotels: (must have) Another tragic example of breaking your spouses heart is when they plan a hotel get away for you both. Nothing is ruder or more inconsiderate than a spouse who spends the entire night on the bed watching shows, then after showering off around midnight rolls in bed and falls asleep. I cant even begin to express how rude and un-loving this is. If you’re at a hotel with your lover sex she be happening multiple times even before late at night. These bone headed moves are the ones that cause the neglected spouse to sob inside. Brett has mentioned that I was notorious for this, one time after falling asleep near midnight and rejecting his advance he snuck out and went to the car where he just sobbed. Our spouse wants so badly to connect with us, but we need to be willing to allow that connection to happen, and not just 30 minutes before its time for bed as duty sex.

If you have kids: anytime you don’t have the kids at home, or are away from them…

My advice to anyone struggling to make intimacy a priority would be to copy and paste these days into your planner as planning to have sex in these ways. Most women expect it, and ALL MEN expect it. Now does this mean you have to do it? OF COURSE NOT! But are you a bad spouse for not doing it? YES! Ehhhh yeah, you’re a bit thoughtless and selfish.

What Is The Best Time Of Day To Have Sex?

We'll take sex whenever we can get it, but we also grudgingly acknowledge that scientists aren't just screwing around when they talk about the virtues of a well-timed tryst. Eager to find a better way to use our hands (the ones on our watch), we conducted field research and discovered through exhaustive and exhausting data collection that timing is, in fact, everything.

Don't worry. We took a break in there to talk to a researcher.

Wake and Quake: 7:00 am - 10:00 am

While morning sex sometimes feels less than ideal – you have sleep in your eyes, dragon breath, the night sweats, and, probably, a hangover – a sunrise shag is actually healthy.  "That's when testosterone levels peak," says Dr. Harry Fisch, author of Size Matters. "When a man has higher testosterone and is well-rested, he has more energy during sex. That energy will help him last longer." You hear that, guys? Last longer. As in, you're a sex god. Your woman won't know what got into you, but she will love what's gotten into her.

And that's not all. It turns out that the rush of AM endorphins actually lowers blood pressure and stress levels and makes for a more upbeat rest of the day. "Morning sex can strengthen your immune system for the day by enhancing your levels of IgA, an antibody that protects against infection," adds Fisch. "And climaxing releases chemicals that boost levels of estrogen and testosterone, which improves the tone and texture of your skin and hair."

Yes, that orgasm makes you look good.

Afternoon Delight: 12:00 pm - 3:00 pm

You know what sucks? Looking down at your watch and realizing it's only noon on a Wednesday.  You know what's awesome? What scientists know about the therapeutic value of sex as stress relief. Our advice: Put down your sorry sandwich and take your humpday to the next level by sneaking off for an afternoon quickie. Not only are you breaking up your day nicely, but the afternoon sex session also has the added bonus of being extra naughty and secretive as you should be getting your work done. You'll strut, not walk, back into the office less anxious, full of confidence and ready to attack the rest of your day.

Just don't fall asleep at your desk.

Bed Time: 8:00 pm - 11:00 pm

Only having sex at night is like only eating vanilla ice cream for dessert: It makes sense in precisely the wrong way. After all, you're tired, you've had a long day, you've been dreaming of face-planting into your pillow for hours. We get it. We've been there. However, sex can actually help you sleep better. Like a drug, sex sets off certain chemical reactions in the brain that give us feelings of euphoria. Post-O, your body releases oxytocin and endorphins, aka, the feel-good hormones, which often have a sedative effect. So, next time you're in bed and your lady does that thing where she pushes up against you mid-spoon, do yourself a favor and push back. You'll feel better both immediately and in the morning. If you and your spouse are only having sex at night it brings up a HUGE issue, late at night often times we are tired, exhausted, ready to shut down, when we go to engage sexually we have minimal energy and end up putting in the bare minimal effort in terms of passion, foreplay, and overall pleasure... The end result is often lack luster sex where we just go through the motions and fail to really connect or leave our partner feeling loved. It also ends up being rushed and short, not allowing her to get warmed up enough to have vaginal orgasms which are majorly intense! Evening sex can be a great way to end the day, but if its our primary time for love making our intimacy is being damaged drastically which will carry over into our day to day lives.

Night Moves: Midnight - 3:00 am 

You know what they say, after the party is the after-party. Whether you're at home, at a hotel or in a bar, late night sex can be either incredibly sexy or incredibly disappointing. In the late evening hours, you'll either surprise your woman with something spontaneous or with your demonstrable lack of enthusiasm. One too many at the bar will do you like that. Regardless, risk it. You'll most likely get to see a boob, which ain't nothing. And the serious stuff can always wait for the AM.

Conclusion

Morning sex is the most important meal of the day. While we would never recommend shooting down a romp in the sack depending on the time of day, we do suggest getting your rocks off in the raw morning hours. You'll look better, feel better - and seriously - why not start the day with an orgasm?

Get up and at 'em. The clock is ticking. ​​