How the Word “Should” is Killing Your Sex Life

We've heard it said before that "A man will move mountains for the woman he loves" and it so so so so so very true! a man will do everything in his power to see that the woman he loves is happy and healthy, providing income through work, giving spiritual guidance in the home, taking care of all home maintenance, yard work, chores, honey do items, chores inside the home, the list goes on and on. But far too often women misplace their efforts in life to meet his needs.

Reciprocity: The Key Ingredient for Relationship Success

 

Relationships require Reciprocity…If…you should find yourself entering into a relationship based off of how the relationship will benefit YOU…without considering how you will be of benefit to the other person…you may find that…your relationship will struggle.

This is a concept that I think more women could benefit from…Yes…I said…women…with that said…this does not exclude men…there are plenty of men out there…who…aren’t doing their part…but…I stress women for a reason…so…let’s discuss…but first…a bit of a background.




My hope is that…it’s understood that when I write…it isn’t just the random ramblings of some random girl & guy writing together…I am NOT always or even most times…speaking about my own personal experiences (my personal experiences are vented through the music I write)…I speak for co-workers…friends…colleagues…family members…for those who…want to be able to say something…but…know they will be judged for doing so…so…they suffer.  Alright…let’s go!

Reciprocity:

Reciprocity…is mutual benefit.  One very common theme that I’ve heard from men that I’ve had discussions with is…the lack of reciprocity in their relationships/marriages…for this post…let’s stick to marriage…because no one is forcing anyone to stay in a relationship…those are much easier to get out of.  In my Facebook group, I once posed the question to women…”How many of you would be inclined to give your phone number to a guy working at the McDonald’s drive thru?”…I asked this question to prove a point…and that point was…Men (general statement) usually make their decision to be with a woman simply for how beautiful she is…a woman’s beauty…her presence…her touch…her smile…is really all a man needs to fall in love…don’t get me wrong…an intelligent woman with a sense of humor is very sexy and inviting as well…but…the point being…a woman doesn’t necessarily have to be accomplished at much of anything…in order for her to be viewed as “good”, “suitable”, “wife material”, etc.  Whereas…you pose that McDonald’s question to Women (general statement) and you will more than likely get crickets.  Interestingly enough…I recently read a post from Nikita, where she mentioned this same thing.

Selfishness in marriage, women who never learned show their love:

If you analyze what I just stated…you can see where there is room for things to be problematic in relationships and marriages.  The Woman was drawn to the Man…sure…because she liked him…and he made her feel good about herself etc…but also…because he had the ability to Protect/Provide…if one removes that benefit from the situation…how many women could say that they would be interested in the McDonald’s guy?  I know in my group…not a soul stepped forward and said they would be interested…whereas…with men…the only thing the men want from a beautiful woman…is…her love…(as with most of my posts..I feel the need to stress…I am speaking in general terms…about things that are common…this does not mean THIS IS YOU)…I’ve had the chance to see Men…who have lost some things financially…and not far behind…they also lost their wives…and sometimes children…I have seen divorces…that came right after a promotion…or right after the wife hit the 10 year mark in the marriage…and she left…with the kids…and spousal support/child support…and a portion of that man’s retirement…but…I digress…Reciprocity…mutual benefit…what does that look like?

The duties of a wife, contributing to the family, not so much her husband

Well…since the scenario is one where…the man is the Protector/Provider…and the wife may or may not work…to many women…mutual benefit means…running the home, to include…balancing the checkbook, cooking, cleaning, washing clothes, shopping, getting the children ready for school, going to the soccer games, going to the parent-teacher conferences, and for many…who also work…this can be a very grueling task…even without an actual day job…I would imagine that this would be difficult…I don’t want to give the impression that these things don’t hold the same weight, or aren’t as important as the man going out and being the Protector/Provider…but…I want to stress something that I believe is often overlooked.  Wait for it…In the absence of a Man…guess what?  You would still be doing all of those things.  Isn’t that what we all do on our own?  Again…I am not making light of these things…and I am not an ALL or NOTHING…BLACK and WHITE thinker…I believe…that many women get caught up in the role of being a wife…and all the responsibilities that come with that role…that they forget why their Husbands fell in love with them in the first place.

Again…all of those things that I mentioned…are important…very important!  But…who are you doing them for?  Yourself…or for your Husband?  Another question…How much of what you do…is based off Perception?  Based off the image that you want to present?  Don’t get me wrong…perception and image has it’s place…but many women…aren’t able to take that mask off…many can’t love…because they are too busy being fearful…and fear…leads to trying to control…it isn’t the man’s job to ease your fears…it’s only his job not to give you reason to fear.

The price men pay to physically see they are loved

Remember…he married you because he thought that you were beautiful…because of how you made him feel…because of the time that you spent together…being open, vulnerable…laughing…the great times that you had…the intimacy…not because of the work that you did…

For many reading this…I can almost predict the next statement, “Well, if he took the time to help me around the house, maybe I would have time to do…”  Yeah, I’ve heard it before…and if that is your thought process…I will tell you that…you’re missing the point.  Think of yourself and your relationship/marriage as a car…in order to make that car start up…it requires fuel…that fuel being…Love.  Man gave you fuel…simply for being you.  You gave Man fuel after he did “x”…am I losing you?  Men do appreciate all the small and large things that women do…BUT…those things are small in comparison to…your touch…your desire for him…your compliments…your smile…the intimacy that you both shared at the beginning of the relationship.  Ladies…you may be surprised to know…just how lonely a lot of men are in their marriages with you.  That Man Cave that he hangs out in drinking beers and twirling his thumbs…many times is…the result of…a lack of Reciprocity, its a result of feeling alone with nowhere to go, being confused at how the one person who he gave his love to can not find it in themselves to show that same love in return.

Women often never learned before marriage how to physically show they love someone:

I once heard it asked somewhere…if women knew how to love men…the example given was…”women love plants, pets, parents, and children…but…when it comes to loving a man…they are clueless”  I thought that was the realest thing I had ever heard.  I say that…also knowing that…many women feel unfulfilled and unloved in their relationships/marriages…I also know that there really are women married to men who don’t pay them any attention either.  The difference being…we hear about these things…a man that really likes a woman, doesn’t have to do much to impress She loves it when he…pays for the meals on dates, opens the car door, pulls out the chair, pumps the gas, kills the spider, takes out the trash, tells her how beautiful she is, brings home the money, does the yard work, buys her flowers, romance her, surprises her…all of this is Male utility to her…and…as a reward…he gets your intimacy…but…when was the last time…you gave him intimacy just because?

Do you know what HE LOVES in life and about your relationship?

Do you as his wife know what he loves in life? Because he sure knows what you love, and breaks his back giving it to you every day. Do you know his heart? Do you know what his most basic and essential needs as a man/husband are? Do you know what he wants romantically from you? Do you know what he expects out of your relationship? You're probably thinking to yourself, "of course I know! He wants a woman who will look pretty, cook him meals, give him children, keep the home tidy, and let him have a cold one with the boys and watch some sports from time to time"... Out of the thousands of times I've asked women this question 95% of the time these are the answers they give, and it saddens and pains me to say they couldn't be any more wrong... A man needs one thing, and one thing only, THAT THING IS YOU... not your cooking ability, your housekeeping or parenting skills, all these are important FOR THE FAMILY, but they aren't for him, WHAT A MAN NEEDS IS YOU AND YOUR LOVE...

What I'm talking about is not so much about sex, but it definitely includes sex. A man will put aside everything in life to please his wife, but for that effort to continue long term he needs to feel, see, and understand he is both loved and wanted. So many woman view sex as a chore or duty and use it only when they feel a duty or if they feel horny themselves, its all about them, SADLY ITS ALWAYS ABOUT THEM.

When a wife loves her husband as much as he shows he loves her:

A true wife and spouse understands her husbands most sincere and basic need is to hear and see physically that the woman he serves like a slave both appreciates and loves him for it, she makes a regular and frequent effort to let him know he made the right choice in choosing her, that she both needs and craves his affection, his warm embraces, his passionate kisses, and his manly warrior that needs to reclaim her in the bedroom. These are the women who will keep her man long term both physically and mentally, they employ and frequently use the many techniques we've discussed in previous posts to express their love and devotion to please her man as he seeks to bring her pleasure, nothing stands between her and keeping her love, she shows it through her weekly effort to seduce him, the way she keeps her body healthy, beautiful, she understands that blowjobs aren't just an option, they 100% required if her man is ever to feel connected and fully loved, she becomes engaged in the bedroom, vocal to acknowledge she is in the moment and there with him, she doesn't fear his cum, and swallows it willingly even if it excites him, in essence she is devoted to his 1 basic need to connect just as he is devoted to her in every of her many needs in life. These are the women who grow old with a man who loves them, rather than the bitter old couples we so often see on television.

When was the last time you INITIATED sex just because?  

For those who are single…when was the last time you asked a Man out?  When was the last time you made him feel desired?  It’s these things that, I believe women take for granted (many can only see things from their perspective…meaning, a lot of women enjoy being pursued…it’s a really good feeling for them…and this often carries over into marriages…leaving men feeling…empty…he married you to have access to you…not to chase you…your desire to feel a certain way…causes you to create situations which give YOU this feeling…but…does nothing for the Man…) It can be a very lonely world out here for the average man…imagine if things were balanced…imagine the fuel that your husband would have in your marriage…if…you gave him…what he gave you…Love…simply for being beautiful.

Commitment Issues:

Remember those days when you used to complain to your girlfriends and parents about how your boyfriend had commitment issues? After all, you'd been dating for 2 years, were madly in love with each other, were perfect in every way as a couple, had the same goals, beliefs, and desire to start a family, YET HE WOULDNT FREAKING GET DOWN ON HIS KNEES AND ASK YOOU TO MARRY YOU!!! argh! the nerve right? Well here's the thing, men have commitment issues outside of marriage, but when they're in, they're in balls deep so to speak! they are 100% committed to you, your needs, your wants, four very fantasies, in bed they give 150% to make sure your pleasure is firing at all cylinders.

Women on the other hand have no commitment issues before marriage, yet once they get the ring on their fingers for whatever reason we become total flakes... prudes... we gain a sense of entitlement & mindset of selfishness. WOMEN HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES... Many women once married feel they don't have to keep being the girl he fell in love with, we gain excessive weight, lose interest in his hobbies, instead of building him up to better himself for us and our children we belittle him and tear him down, we withhold all things sexual from him because we fear or dislike being sexual because we know it will just lead to us having to put in effort, having to give a 30 second bj, having to get some of that "disgusting cum" on us... look how the tables have turned...

Have you ever heard of stories from friends whose boyfriends after years of not committing and proposing were given ultimatums to propose or the relationship would be over? What generally happens? A- He proposes and they live happily ever after, or B- she dumps his behind and finds a man who commits to her... Are we really so naïve to think the same thing cant or wont happen in our marriages? If we cant commit to the passionate, romantic, wild, hot, wet, strip teasing, penis sucking, cum licking, mind blowing sex men need, do we actually think our mans heart and mind will stay committed to us? NO CHANCE IN HELL my dear friends... given time he will either leave you to find someone who will do the things you want, or cheat behind your back with someone who can commit.

LADIES having been someone in these shoes before I plead with you, lock his heart, commit to him through your actions and your eagerness to have regular sex with him, UNTIL HE SEE'S YOUR LOVE BEING DISPLAYED WITHOUT HESITATION HE WILL NOT FEEL YOUR LOVE FOR HIM. unless he see's it he will never feel it, the fate of your marriage literally rests in the hands of your commitment issues, overcome it and you will keep him, ignore it and he will be lost forever.

How often does he need it though? am I just some sexual piece of meat? Do I need to give in every time he seduces me? These are all great questions.

first and foremost we must understand, our personal value is not built upon our sexuality! We are individuals who love each other and our worth does not come from our sexuality, we are not sex toys or "meat" for your man, nor is he for you, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't "become sexual meat from time to time". As teenagers we are taught so much about modesty, virtue, chastity, and purity, that we should never objectify ourselves as sexual objects by wearing tight  clothing, revealing clothing, or being sexual in any way. BUT GUESS WHAT :) when we find a spouse who we love and cherish we throw these rules out the window when together!! WE objectify ourselves sexually to the max! we show some skin, we become seductive, we embrace all things sexual in our marriage, we become sexual objects (meat) for our spouses, why? because we love them and want to give them the best possible experience imaginable! He doesn't need it weekly, WE NEED IT WEEKLY! both sex and oral sex!

SO AGAIN, THE WORD "SHOULD" IS KILLING YOUR MARRIAGE:

You tell yourself "I should make an effort to have sex more with him a couple of times a week", and that "I know I should be giving him BJ's since he gives me oral every time" or even that "I want to swallow him, but think its gross", but at some point its time we realize that the should are tearing our relationship apart, and that if we don turn the "I shoulds" into "I will" or "I do" we may eventually lose him permanently. So we challenge you today!!! make the choice now, tell yourself and him "I will make sex I regular priority, I do love you enough to show it often, I will chase after you physically and seduce/romance you more just as you do with me, I will learn to love pleasing you both physically and orally just as you do to me, I will  and do plan on being more in the moment by communicating vocally, I do love you enough to learn to swallow just as you do to me".

Becoming the wife he needs, learning to show love, affection, and dedication to his most basic (and only) needs.

When a woman who truly loves the man she married a fire will develop and burn deep inside her very soul, giving her the motivation and encouragement she needs to unleash the sexual goddess and freak that she has buried deep down her entire life. This woman knows how to keep her body fit and healthy just as he does, she buys kinky and luxurious lingerie to surprise him, she learns the simple and advanced art of seduction, using hundreds of methods to shock her lover and woo his heart back to her time and time again. She is addicted to his touch, his kiss, and specially his penis, just the sight of it makes her attack it with passion. She loves his cock even more than he does, and worships it as if its her salvation, orally, vocally, and specially embracing his cum and orgasm, she studies what it means to be a sex goddess, a nymphomaniac, a sex freak, a slutty wife, someone who can turn on her sexual light switch and flaunt her body, this woman knows she has what it takes to make her man feel loved, she spares no expense nor effort because she realizes all he needs is her.

"I Will"

WHEN WE CHANGE "I SHOULD" into "I WILL", and eventually "I DO" you will see a new man come forward in your life, not a man burdened by the heavy load of life, but a man full of life and optimism who moves mountains for the wife and family he loves. As a woman who has seen this in my own home I beg you not to wait, to decide today before its too late, you and only you hold the  key to his heart, only you can unlock his full potential, all he needs is you, and without you he will always be a shell of a man who begs and pleads for love from his best friend and spouse.