BEING A BETTER LOVER: DUTIES OF THE GIVER & THE RECEIVER
BEING A GOOD GIVER:
There can be no greater honor as a husband or wife than the gift and privilege to bring happiness and pleasure to your spouse, meaning this: A husbands #1 priority going into sex is to pleasure his wife to the best of his abilities, his own pleasure comes 2nd, THIS MEANS HIS FOCUS IS ON MAKING EACH SEXUAL ESCAPADE A SHOW, A UNIQUE EXPERIENCE, A ORGASMIC SPECTACLE, A FULFILMENT OF HER DEEPEST AND DARKEST FANTASIES, IN ESSENCE HE DOES THE JOB 100% REGAURDLESS OF WHAT HE LIKES OR DISLIKES, IF SHE LOVES TO HAVE HER PUSSY EATEN, THEN ME MAKES IT A POINT TO LOVE IT (EVEN IF HE HATES IT), IF SHE LOVES RIDING HIS FACE THEN HE LOVES IT, IF SHE LOVES A CERTAIN POSITION THEN HE DOES TOO, ANYHTING SHE ENJOYS, HE MAKES IT A POINT TO DO AS WELL. THIS ALSO APPLIES TO HER, HE IS HER TOP PRIORITY, HER OWN PLEASURE COMES SECOND. HER GOAL IS TO MAKE IT A SHOW, AN EXPERIENCE, A FULFILLMENT OF FANTASIES. IF HE LOVES BLOWJOBS, THEN SHE BECOMES A BLOWJOB MASTER, SHE IS A CUM ENTHUSIAST SWALLOWING WILLINGLY, ANY FANTASY HE HAS BECOMES A GOAL FOR HER, SHE IS HIS PORNSTAR, HE IS HERS. Any spouse unwilling to go into sex with their partner with this mentality is unfit for marriage. As a husband or wife, our duty, our goal, is to each and every time make our sexual connection a new and exciting show, using new sexy techniques to rock your spouses world. This can be done in many different ways, lingerie/outfits, oral techniques, seduction/foreplay ideas, vocally, visually, positions, the sky's the limit. WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO IS SIMPLE... LOVE...
I’ll try to keep this brief, we have learned so much in this
last two years about what dedication it takes to be a good giver, to be the one
giving sexual pleasure to your partner. If I had to summarize one key message
it would be this, DEDICATE YOURSELF! Be willing to research techniques, test
out new techniques, slowly tease your partner for up to an hour with no
expectation of receiving pleasure, being willing to orally please for more than
2 brief minutes, (for us ideal is 15-30 per person).
it’s so easy to rush through the motions of foreplay, or sex
itself, we so often want to give them quick and easy pleasure, but as we discovered
the best pleasure often comes from slow, erotic, torturous, lengthy teasing, I can’t
begin to tell you how amazing it feels when my husband spends upwards of an
hour slowly working towards sucking me off, teasing each and every part of my
body slowly, his effort is beyond admirable while he licks and sucks me to
orgasm, often times popping his head up gasping for air with my juices dripping
from his chin, nothing could be hotter to me, that is dedication, that is love,
my attention to him deserves to be not different when it’s my turn to perform.
One of my biggest pet peeves when discussing sex with my
group of girlfriends is hearing how put off they are by certain things, some despise
cum, some are disgusted by giving blowjobs, others feel as if they are Gods gift
to their husbands and are there only to plop down like a fish and let him
pleasure himself. As I’ve mentioned before, think back to when you were dating,
when you went above and beyond to show them you cared, when you stepped outside
your comfort zone and did things you didn’t like because you wanted to impress
them. No sexual dislike is ever too large to overcome, evaluate what it is that
bother you, how can it be made enjoyable for you, how you can take steps to at
least try it a few times before saying no completely.
It’s been quoted that if we’re receiving sexual actions it should
take just as much work and effort as the person doing the work, how you might
ask is that possible? How can you put in just as much effort as your partner
who is riding or thrusting into you? How can you put in just as much effort as
the person sucking at you?
One thing we’ve learned as a couple when it comes to being a
great receiver, is communication both verbally and physically. Apparently it’s
been proven that physical noises such as moaning and groaning can help increase
the ability, and duration of orgasms, while we never fake our moans or groans,
we are sure to let each other know when something feels amazing.
Another key we’ve found to being a quality receiver is
communication, I know when I go down on my boy toy it makes it so much more enjoyable
for me when I receive feedback, grunts, moans, thoughts that come into his
head, him describing how he feels, him telling me what he’s seeing, it adds to
the experience for the both us, honestly if I am getting good feedback, I’m
willing to extend my BJ time from 12 minutes to up to 30 minutes, nothing warms
my heart like hearing my husband praise how good I am at something. My husband
also tells me how much harder he works when he hears my voice, and when I run
my hands through his hair, it’s amazing how the simple things can make a simple
experience twice as enjoyable.
CHECK OUT THIS BRIEF YET INSANELY IMPORTANT VIDEO ON HOW COUPLES EXPRESS LOVE DIFFERENTLY! YOU CAN ALSO CHECK OUT THE BOOK "5 LOVE LANGUAGES" which I believe all couples have to read
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS OF BEING A GOOD LOVER:
1. A real man will romance her physically, and embrace her mentally. A real woman will build him up verbally, and fulfill him sexually.
2. A marriage without weekly sex is no marriage at all. We should have a “yes attitude”, yes when asked to have sex, yes when our partner has a fantasy, yes when we orgasm and moan it out loud. Sex is like food, go more than a few days without it and you’ll begin to die (your marriage and your husband). Daily sexual intimacy is what builds and sustains any marriage.
3. Know his penis/ her vagina as well (or better) than you know your own body parts.
4. Oral sex is required, anything less than 10 minutes is a slap in the face.
5. Spouses should equally seduce and initiate sex with each other. Spouses should take turns taking the lead (dominant, aggressiveness, eagerness). Gentle sex should take place just as often as passionate rough sex. Intimate, romantic sex should take place just as much as loud moaning sex
6. Enthusiasm, Aggression, Love, Foreplay, Teasing, and Flirting make sex incredible, anything less is unacceptable in a happy marriage.
7. Foreplay should typically last at least 30 minutes. Worship and seduce their mind before attacking their body.
8. Teasing and flirting is a 24/7 thing, it should happen everywhere, all the
time. Dirty talk is the bridge to building an enjoyable sex life
9. A lover never shy’s away from their partners orgasm, fluids, squirt, and cum. Lovers embrace it, swallowing cum/ her orgasm is expected by both genders.
10. A true lover practices, studies, and learns about the art of sex, and how to better help their spouse enjoy it.
1. A real man will romance her physically, and embrace her mentally. A real woman will build him up verbally, and fulfill him sexually.
2. A marriage without weekly sex is no marriage at all. We should have a “yes attitude”, yes when asked to have sex, yes when our partner has a fantasy, yes when we orgasm and moan it out loud. Sex is like food, go more than a few days without it and you’ll begin to die (your marriage and your husband). Daily sexual intimacy is what builds and sustains any marriage.
3. Know his penis/ her vagina as well (or better) than you know your own body parts.
4. Oral sex is required, anything less than 10 minutes is a slap in the face.
5. Spouses should equally seduce and initiate sex with each other. Spouses should take turns taking the lead (dominant, aggressiveness, eagerness). Gentle sex should take place just as often as passionate rough sex. Intimate, romantic sex should take place just as much as loud moaning sex
6. Enthusiasm, Aggression, Love, Foreplay, Teasing, and Flirting make sex incredible, anything less is unacceptable in a happy marriage.
7. Foreplay should typically last at least 30 minutes. Worship and seduce their mind before attacking their body.
8. Teasing and flirting is a 24/7 thing, it should happen everywhere, all the
time. Dirty talk is the bridge to building an enjoyable sex life
9. A lover never shy’s away from their partners orgasm, fluids, squirt, and cum. Lovers embrace it, swallowing cum/ her orgasm is expected by both genders.
10. A true lover practices, studies, and learns about the art of sex, and how to better help their spouse enjoy it.
Comments
personally I think it depends on a few things (the mood, the pace up to that point, how much free time you have). If your moving at a fast pace 5-15 minutes is adequate for a guy, but for a girl it should be more like 10-20 minutes. For more of a relaxed romantic pace, I think both sides need to spend at least 15-40 minutes each of foreplay.
On those rare days when you only want to give oral sex, but don't intend to receive or have sex after, 20 minutes to an hour is always great, which is what Whitney prefers too.
I should add that in our relationship giving has become a big deal, often when one of us have a long or frustrating day the other will surprise with either lengthy oral sex (teasingly and slow) to de-stress, sometimes it leads to sex, others it doesn't, I think this has really strengthened our relationship and commitment to each other by serving in our time of need.
In the past we would often times turn down sexual advances because we knew it would turn into a lengthy 3 hour venture. Now we understand that not every time will lead to sex, sometimes our spouse just wants to say I love you in a very kinky way.