THE DEAD FISH: DANGERS OF THE SELFISH & LAZY LOVER

ARE YOU A TERRIBLE LOVER? DO YOU SUCK AT SEX?

POWER! Who has the power in your bedroom? Our bedroom over the years belonged to Brett, he always took the lead, setting the pace, setting the mood, while I sat back and soaked it in, unfortunately 10 years later this got old for Brett, as he began to lose interest in making advances. Finally, concerned about our lack of love making I confronted him, to my complete astonishment he referred me to an article that more or less summed up why he had lost interest.

“THE DEAD FISH”

The article which I cannot find sadly, discussed “dead fish syndrome” wherein one partner is passive throughout the entire love making session, they often laid on there back, making limited movement, making minimal noise, reacting minimally, lacking vocal enthusiasm, lacking sincere interest in pleasuring the other person, only willing to lay back as if to say I am your gift, do what you will with me. Naturally I was angry at him at first, how could he compare me to a dead fish?

But as the days passed my frustration turned to sadness, coming to terms with my lack of sexual involvement. I realized many key mistakes in our passionless sex, first that I too rarely moved other than how he directed me to do, my shyness caused no words to leave my lips, only the occasional whimper or gentle moan. Brett was also extremely generous when it came to performing oral sex on me, often he would lick me for nearly 20 minutes to warm me up, and another 20 minutes towards the end of our session. Rarely did I do much more than kiss or rub his chest, kiss his neck, or nibble his ear.

SOLO PERFORMANCE

As we’ve come to realize, sex takes a certain give and take, while it is perfectly normal to lay back and take, to do so without returning the favor is simply greedy and careless. Sex should be no less than 50/50, in fact, it should be 100/100, both sides engaged at all times, maybe not physically, but at least vocally. When your partner spends 15 minutes worshiping your body, return the favor, tease or satisfy them back by doing something they would enjoy. Even if your partner chooses to take charge, be active in some way or another, talk dirty to them, let them know you enjoy what is happening, its basically saying thank you.

From time to time over recent years Brett even went so far as to seduce me, tease me, lick me to orgasm multiple times, and then let me fall asleep in his arms, all without ever asking or expecting something in return, never expecting to orgasm himself, and that is true love, that is dedication to putting your spouse’s needs above your own. Recently I have begun doing the same, sneaking up behind him in the bathroom, and without saying a word, taking him in my mouth until he cums, then I smile, kiss him, and trot off, not expecting return service, that is love, that is dedication. Dedicate yourself to your lover, and they will do so back, maybe not immediately there in the moment, but soon after you deserve and should expect to be pleased just as you gave pleasure.

 BEING A LAZY AND SELF CENTERED LOVER

 

It doesn't matter how beautiful you are, how sexy you appear in lingerie, how successful, intelligent, funny,  or perfect you are outside the bedroom, If you are a lover who puts minimal or no effort into maintaining your sexual side of marriage, if you never initiate, never make noise, never get bossy, aggressive, enthusiastic, do the work sexually, give oral, you'll never leave your spouse feeling happy and satisfied in bed... Affairs often don't happen because our spouse doesn't love us enough, they happen because we don't show them enough how much they are loved and desired. Selfishness and laziness in bed are the first and primary step to affairs and divorce, never forget that. A lover who is selfish or lazy in bed will also be lazy and selfish in contributing to the marriage outside of the bedroom as well, someone only concerned with feeling pleasure themselves will never care about their spouses pleasure.

 

The amazing thing about sex is it allows you to see who the person really is, during sex with a spouse you cant hide who you are, how you feel about them, and how you feel about your relationship in general. If you truly love them and are dedicated to their pleasure and happiness that will show, it will show in the way you interact, the effort you give, what you are willing to do (even if you don't enjoy it) to make sure they find pleasure, sex is give and take, it is not about pleasuring yourself, but instead finding pleasure together, selfless acts of pleasuring and dedication, taking time to use foreplay techniques on each other to illustrate how deeply you care for each other.

If there are things you wont do (within reason) because you don't like them, it shows just how selfish and uncommitted to your partner you really are, it shows you care more about your own insecurities than your partners happiness. withholding things such being the one doing the thrusting, giving oral sex regularly, seducing your partner, initiating sex, spending time warming them up, should be a part of both of your routines, IT IS WHATS EXPECTED AND REQUIRED TO BE A GOOD LOVER, this is what you signed up for when you said I do.

If its not what you thought it would be do them the favor of letting them go now before you hurt them more, you have no business being in a committed relationship. inevitably three scenarios are going to occur when there is selfish love, 1) the partner will live with it, but resent you forever, which will start to become evident in the way they treat you and neglect your needs and happiness. 2) They Leave you for someone who will love them enough to put in effort romantically and sexually. or 3) They love you enough to stay with you, but not enough to not have their needs met, so they have regular affairs to meet these needs.

 

SIGNS YOU ARE A SELFISH OR LAZY LOVER:

• They spend 20+ minutes on foreplay on you, but you wont give any back on them
• You rarely if ever seduce them or initiate sex
• You allow them to pleasure you to orgasm, but wont pleasure them back, you allow them to do all the work to orgasm themselves.
• Once you've orgasm'd you put in no effort to help them do the same.
• You receive oral sex, but wont ever return the pleasure to them
• You give oral sex, but only out of guilt and duty for a few minutes
• You aren't willing to go above and beyond to do things they enjoy to find pleasure, you allow your insecurities, fears, and dislikes to come before your spouses pleasure
• You are rarely if ever the one to make your partner orgasm, usually they have to do it themselves
• You always race towards your orgasm, indicating its all about your end result, never about each other
• You feel inadequate in bed and unsure of your abilities to please your partner, you shy away from sex because of these.
• You have to be asked to do everything, rather than knowing them well enough just to do it
• You have to ask if they've cum yet
• You have to receive instructions every time in order for them to cum (though communication is helpful most often)
• You're not interested in self improvement and making changes, no matter how much they plead
• You're not willing to get your hands dirty, doing tough things like oral, doing the thrusting, swallowing their orgasm, getting sweaty
• You refuse to cuddle or bond after sex, growing closer and sharing a laugh or two
• You're afraid of doing something wrong so you wont try anything new
• You don't ask what they enjoy and what would make them cum the hardest
• You don't make a peep, you don't express it vocally when they hit the right spot, you don't talk dirty, moan, grunt, scream, or even talk during sex
• When there's a pause in the action and nobody's doing anything you wait for them to make the first move
• You avoid sexting or sexual images of each other at all costs
• You perceive yourself to be a prince or princess and therefore entitled to receive, never giving back
• You never surprise them romantically or sexually, whether its flowers, gifts, sex in a hotel, seducing them unexpectedly.
• You don't make time for sex, when you have free time you spend it with friends, family, shopping, hobbies, watching tv, etc.
• You don't spend time on hygiene, appearance, clothing, or maintaining a healthy appearance
• You never masturbate to know your pleasure spots and how to teach them, (or you masturbate too often)
• Your partner is always on top or doing the thrusting
• You refuse oral sex when on your period
• You never show up, just going through the motions...
  
  

 One of the biggest rifts that couples argue about is oral sex reciprocation, usually one spouse is fully committed to pleasuring the other, but the other spouse wont reciprocate and perform oral back... More often than not women (myself included in the past) use excuses such as: its smelly down there, it tastes funny, its hard to breathe when doing it, my jaw gets sore, it takes forever to finish, sex is more important together not just solo effort, etc. and while true sometimes, its called a blowjob for a reason, it takes effort, but if you're  truly committed to him and love him as you say you do, you'll spend hours doing it if needs be, that's what love and sex is!!!

By selflessly giving to our spouse we not only show love, but they feel loved, its an amazing bonding experience, not just a job, its a moment where trust, compassion, dedication, and love are built through solo effort. And women lets be honest, oral sex on us is exactly the same way... sometimes we might smell, taste a bit odd, they cant breathe while they do it, with their tongues flickering non stop their jaws get sore and tired too, oral sex is a job, it requires effort, but its and effort that both man and wife MUST BE DOING if true love is going to remain and grow in your marriage. if your not willing to do these things your spouse is clearly married to a immature boy or girl, and not a man or woman.



 

DOMINANCE VS SUBMISSIVENESS

Our favorite new game :) who will be in charge this time? Who will be the one to attack the other out of nowhere, pin them down, and have their naughty way with the other? Nothing to me is sexier than dominance, whiter its being dominated, or dominating him myself, there’s something to be said about feeling an adrenaline rush when you have control of the pace, when you have power over your partner to make them twitch, squirm, arch their back in pleasure, screaming your name, watching their mouth hang open as their body explodes in pleasure.

As we’ve come to find, dominance should not be maintained by one individual for more than a week, both genders need the opportunity to feel this rush, to feel in control, often times dominance means you set the pace, you decide the moves or positions, it’s up to you to bring something new to the table (thus research or pre-contemplation should be considered). Couples who take turns taking control often find sex more satisfactory, both because they feel this power rush, and they feel the pleasure that comes from being pleasured or told what to do.

Being Submissive and willing to do anything is an amazing feeling, but too much of it can harm any relationship if one partner is unwilling to take control at times and set the pace, decide what to do, purely focusing on one person from time to time. Couples who understand this power balance will rarely fail in marriage, and learn what true sacrifice and dedication is.

Be a giver, Be a taker, Be both, But never fail to switch roles regularly.

Top 10 reasons he secretly thinks you are terrible in bed:

1. You don't give blowjobs: If this is you don't even bother to have sex with him, he's guaranteed to hate it... If you aren't the kind of girl who honestly enjoys going down on him and find it fun, it is a guaranteed indicator you are a selfish and lazy lover. Girls who don't suck just SUCK. Some women also seem to think foreplay is just for women, WRONG, men need time to be warmed up too.

2. You show no initiative: Always having to ask him what to do to be better, instead of taking initiative yourself to study and learn. You don't ever take charge, trying new things, changing up the pace. Asking or trying a new position on your own is out of the question. Naturally you are usually the one on the bottom.

3. You're shy and lack confidence about your appearance or abilities: When it comes to seduction, foreplay, or teasing, you avoid it as much as possible. Public foreplay? forget about it... Sexting? no chance... teasing, groping, flashing in public? not a chance....

4. You're never in the mood, and when you do it its always right before bed: "Duty" sex is the worst, "he needs It so I guess I'll let him have it tonight" mentality is flat out insulting to him... Sex right before bed is always short in length, and lackluster as you both have no energy. You honestly think you're doing him a favor, but lets be honest... you're heart isn't in it.

5. You aren't vocal: you rarely make a peep if something feels good, you avoid dirty talk like the plague, and you don't use your soft sensitive voice to seduce his mind.

6. You dislike cum: nothing will make his erections softer than seeing you go "ewe" or run to the bathroom to wipe it off immediately. If cum is not something you crave, if you've never tried to swallow, your heart isn't where it needs to be, a true lover loves it. PLAIN AND SIMPLE. 

7. You never buy your own lingerie or sex toys: Lingerie and toys are one of the best ways to make sex more fun, if he's the only one dong it he's going to lose interest quick.

8. Once you've orgasm'd you put in no effort to help them do the same: if you're the type of person that goes limp once you orgasm you more than likely are a disappointment. the noises stop, the thrusting ends, your nothing more than a dead lifeless body. If this is you then do him the favor and let him cum first, then you can have your turn to end it.

9. You never practice: masturbate! Your sex drive isn't important to you, rarely do you take time to keep it revved up. She also doesn't bother to do her kegel muscles to intensify her own orgasms and make it more pleasurable for him.

10. You have no imagination: you don't let your mind wander, fantasize, or even try an occasional role-play, sex is just boring and lackluster to both of you. Some women just wont let themselves enjoy sex anywhere but the bedroom, when in reality all men want to have sex outside of the home at times.

10 Signs men Suck in bed:

1. You don't know the value of foreplay: Foreplay makes every sexual experience better; that is why it is always so shocking when people claim they don’t do it. Maybe the lack of this and that is what is making you so bad at sex. Saying no to giving or receiving foreplay definitely makes people question your experience; the idea that you do not know how valuable foreplay can be is astounding and says a lot about your sex game. Think of it this way, if you are constantly saying you don’t do something that starts to translate to I don’t know how, and I am using this as a cop out.

2. When you don't go down on us, or are afraid to: nothing pisses a woman off more than a man afraid to get his hands dirty, rule of marriage= if they go down on you, you'd better sure as hell do it back if you don't want them fantasizing about someone else doing it to them.

3. when you don't bother to ask what we like or prefer: When you intentionally do not ask what someone likes in bed, it is a clear sign that you have a few insecurities about how well you can successfully give them what they want.

4. When your beer gut hangs: say no more hahahah...

5. When you don't make us cum more than once (or at all): nothing is more of a turn off than not pleasuring your spouse in return, if you cant get the job done it shows that you don't take the time to plan ideas or techniques to please them. AKA you don't love her enough to do your job as a husband.

6. When you don't understand the pace: Sometimes we want it soft and gentle, other times we want you to beat that pussy up, but understand the moment and when to do it. pay attention to our bodies, and what we tell you, softer means softer, harder means Fuck me harder baby.

7. He makes no noise: how can we get into the mood when your not showing your not in the mood...

8. When you don't romance us or surprise us often enough: Just sad :(

9. When you cant keep it up: we don't expect you to be a marathon man, but at least refrain from Cumming for 10 minutes please... that being said, many women have shut their partners out for so many years they may not be sexually interested in you again, these women will have to work extra hard to get him back into the right mental state.

10. Hair down there: nothing is worse for a woman than having to give head with a few stray inch long hairs poking us in the face or slipping into our mouth, keep it clean and at least trimmed boys.

Similarly to relationships in general, sex is a give and take. If you’re giving as much as you're given, then you’ve created an equal ground for fun. You can't expect your partner to give 110 percent when you only give 80 percent, especially if you’re looking to be an awesome lay.

IN YOUR MARRIAGE ABD BEDROOM IT HAS TO BE ABOUT GIVE AND TAKE, IT TAKES 2 FULLY ENGAGED LOVERS TO MAKE SEX WORTHWHILE... OUR RULE IN THE BEDROOM IS GOING BACK AND FORTH, I DO SOMETHING, THEN HE DOES SOMETHING, THEN I GO, THEN HIM. OF COURSE THERE ARE TIMES WHEN A SPOUSE MAY WANT TO SPOIL THEIR PARTNER AND DO ALL THE WORK (RAVISH THEM), BUT USUALLY IT HAS TO BE A BACK AND FORTH EFFORT.