COMMUNICATION: DISCUSSING OUR FANTASIES & KINKS WITH OUR LOVERS

The time comes in every relationship where no matter how deep the truth cuts, it needs to come out, for us the longer we held onto our own personal sexual frustration, the longer we chose to ignore our own sexual needs and preferences, the dimmer our love became, sex was un-adequate in achieving any minimal form of pleasure. Now many may outlast these struggles, but as was in our case, 10 years of sexual frustration eventually leads to a messy and heated explosion all at once.

Fortunately in our case, we both could see it coming, and decided that one day we would lay down all the cards, on the table, all our frustration, all our guilty pleasures, all we wanted to achieve from sex, and all we thought we both needed to work on both personally and together. While I feared this conversation would be both embarrassing and painful, to my pleasant surprise it was compassionate, soft spoken, feelings were met with care and patience, with a desire to meet each others needs and wants.

Speaking with many of my closest friends I have come to realize that many of us are afraid and hesitant to reveal our deepest and most personal turns ons, out of fear of rejection or laughter, but as mentioned before, couples who approach sex with an attitude focused on giving, researching, exploring, and devoting themselves to their partner, all understand fantasies are nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, within our marriage, we often tell each other our personal fantasies while kissing them all over or performing oral, it lessens the pressure of telling the secret for both parties.

While no person should ever be forced to comply with any given kink or fantasy, I believe we all should at least hear our partner out, and evaluate the benefits of what they are wanting to do, no matter how silly or extreme.

As you can probably tell from the images our kink fantasy is threesomes and hotwifing ;)

Perhaps the most important technique and foreplay couples can use when talking about fantasies is foreplay, specifically "the Wrap Around" technique, where your partner plays with you from behind as they or you talk to them and tell fantasies or kinks.

This is also a great technique to help a shy partner learn to talk dirty as  well, one thing we do regularly is talk about hot people we saw through out the week, and what we wanted to do to them, we both get off on the idea of each other getting it on with others, thus we allow ourselves minds to wander when we se hotties. This has been a great tool to mutually stimulate ours and each others minds.

Ultimately for both sides to enjoy sex and want to do it regularly it requires a lot of give and take, women for example often enjoy sex to be slow, sensual, soft to the touch, whereas men like it passionate,  a bit dirty and fast, what makes the experience memorable is mixing it up, sometimes having it her way, others doing it his. Making sacrifices will help you both open up to new ways to be sexual, as well as meet their preferences.