ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENTS: CHANGING THE WAY WE THINK ABOUT SEX

Whitney writing here,

How many times had I previously asked myself, “can we just be done already, why can he do this to me, I want to get it on, I’m just too tired, I want him to feel good, but he needs to speed up, why can’t he just focus on me tonight” etc. Perhaps besides my lack of knowledge of sexual things, was the lack attitude when it came to pleasing my man, if only I realize now what I had failed to recognize then, I was selfish, I was a lazy lover, I was hesitant, I was unwilling to change, I was ignorant, I was scared, I was shy, I was too gentle, I was unaware both our needs weren’t being met, plain and simply, I sucked at sex, and so did he, haha.

If I was to make one suggestion, one critique to each and every couple who struggled to be intimate regularly, it would be CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDES.

After months of online research one day the lightning hit me, how much better would sex be for him, if I was the one to make the change? Instead of hoping for him to improve, instead of hoping for him to blow me away with some hot and spicy moves, instead of waiting for him to give me the orgasm of the century, maybe I needed to be the proactive one.

Sure enough, within days I started to see a change, not only in him, but in myself! Sex is about dedication, pure, heart felt, honest, and complete dedication, those who serve, find joy, those who go above and beyond to please are in return rewarded, just as in life when we help out someone in need we become happy, so too do we find joy in sexually fulfilling our partner.

As I took time and energy daily to research new positions, new techniques, new things that would turn him on or surprise him, I started getting excited about sex! Even though I was the one doing all the work sex had become fun, exciting, it had become a game, a test of my skills, a way of toying with my man meat, a way to relieve stress for him, I felt powerful, in control, that I had the ability and honor of sending this man into a state of pure bliss and ecstasy. The excitement that came over me while watching him cum was unlike anything I had ever felt. Things that before seemed disgusting to me (blowjobs) were now my most favorite part of the experience, honestly I didn’t even need to orgasm myself, I was having too much fun watching him lose his mind as I teased and toyed with his mind for hours on end.

As I’ve mentioned before, sex takes time, knowledge, planning. Although I lost my virginity when married, in heart I was still a virgin until my attitude changed, those who take time to plan, research their and their partners bodies, looking for methods, techniques, and seduction tools, will be the ones who find the most enjoyment from sexual intimacy, sure you can practice and hope to one day stumble upon something that feels good, or you can take the time to research for yourself and experience it now.

Without having to say a word to Brett, within weeks he began surprising me, teasing my body, toying with my mind, making me beg in my mind for him to do things to me, and thus they cycle of bliss began, each of us constantly trying to top the others performance and pleasure.

Many may argue that there are things “I simply just don’t like or want to do”, understand that nobody can ever force you to find pleasure, our pleasure your lover, however, first ask yourself is it really that bad? What is it that bothers me? How could I overcome that dislike or fear? Think back to when you were both dating, think of the things you did that you didn’t necessarily like in order to impress your spouse, are you still doing those things? Are you still trying to impress them? Are you still going the extra mile to impress or please the one you love? If not your love may truly be dead, or on the verge.

My husband often tells me just how much he likes what I do, and honestly 90% of the time I find that idea online, very rarely does it come from myself, take the time to serve your partner in bed, begin the cycle now, and NEVER, EVER LET IT END!!!

While shopping recently I noticed a cute couple my own age, the wife grabbed his butt playfully with a "F ME" stare, and he turned around furious, pushing her arm away exclaiming that was inappropriate. my heart sank as I listened to this couple argue over how he was unwilling to flirt at all anymore, that every time she sexted him he shut her down, every time she arranged for a romantic getaway he'd excuse himself from sex, she was in tears as she inquired why he didn't want to touch her, was it her looks? did he not love her anymore? she just couldn't understand why someone as beautiful as herself would be emotionally and sexually neglected to such an extent. Every part of my being wanted to jump in and rip him a new one, frankly he didn't deserve her, in his head he may have loved her, vocally he may have told her daily, but every action spoke contrary to that, no partner will ever feel loved if not shown, empty words are similar to empty promises.

 

It has come to my attention that many women believe “real men” do not exist anymore. As if all of the “good guys” are gone, and the hashtag “#foreveralone” will define their lives indefinitely. The same women that make these claims are often the same women who are oblivious to those “good guys” that they are married too, who go above and beyond to please their spouse even though they show little or no love back. The point of my rant is that I’m here to say that they do exist! they’re just probably now in hiding because you've belittled him and ignored him into a deep and dark depression.

   SIGNS YOU’RE MARRIED TO A LITTLE GIRL & NOT A WOMAN:

•  Thinks the 40 extra pounds she gained is her on problem: she doesn't realize her health effects their relationship.
•  Gets jealous if he has friends of the opposite sex:
•  She’s romantically selfish: she never romances him back, END OF STORY.
• Her family, friends, children, even hobbies, all are more important to her than him and their marriage.
• Is a lazy and selfish lover in bed: she lays there like a princess and expects him to put in all the work.
• Doesn’t listen to what he has to say: she’s made up her mind before he even opens his mouth.
• Doesn’t take the lead in child development in the home:
• Throws a fit over little things: if she treats you or others like garbage when she’s angry at others, chances are she’s a spoiled brat.
•  Gossip about him behind his back:
•  Cry every time you have talks about constructive criticism:
•  Girls watch junk TV – women read.
•  A lady not only needs you, but she wants you (and shows it).
• Only wants sex once ever 2-4 months, she lacks understanding of how intimacy saves marriages. turning down sex frequently and regularly is a dangerous risk in any marriage, turn him down enough and it will be taken personally. At some point the rejection sinks in, and he will distance himself from you in every other form in your relationship. Sexual counselors even admonish women to understand that frequent rejection will eventually lead to him rejecting your advances, as he wants nothing to do with you anymore sexually or romantically. I know within our own marriage there came a point where Brett was rejected so many times that the rare times I did make a move on him, he slipped away awkwardly, and when we did have sex he couldn't stay hard, because I had programed his brain as if to say I wasn't interested in him. Turn him down enough, and you'll lose all connection with him both physically and mentally. Psychologists compare the rejection to that of being cheated on, "many people have difficulty every being truly attracted or sexually attracted to someone who's betrayed them so deeply, rejection feels the same over time.
• She only gives head once a year (if that). She despise the act, and thinks she is exempt from showing him any form of pleasure.
• She despises his cum: She avoids it at all costs.
• A girl will try and control you. A woman knows that no one can be controlled.
• A girl is proud of the fact that she cannot cook or clean. She makes no effort to maintain a clean home, nor have meals prepared when he gets home, she makes him do double duty and do her job for her. A women knows her way around the kitchen & the home. A girl will not be caught doing anything domestic. That includes cooking for you, doing your laundry, or anything that involves a spatula or a broom. A woman knows that being domestic is not a duty, instead it’s an honor and a pleasure to take care of herself and her family, especially when it comes down to having her own. She doesn’t over give to a man, but knows that a nice meal and a clean home will go a long way in his eyes.
•  A woman is aware of her goals, and knows what she needs to do to accomplish them. A girl can’t think that far ahead.
•  A girl puts herself, her children, her friends, and her family, above her husband: Don’t put others before your husband. God designed companionship in marriage so that a husband and wife can meet one another’s need for a close, intimate, human relationship. He even said in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that the man should be alone.” So what happens when you put your mother, a friend, or even a child before your spouse? Actually, you take a step (often unintentional) toward isolation in your marriage. If you choose, for example, to spend an afternoon shopping with your mom when your husband asked you to spend what little time you have available with him, you may leave hubby feeling that he has second place in your heart.
•  Her life is “so” complicated: She works 10AM-6PM yet cannot manage to get her life in order: She’s consistently struggling with “stress” because she doesn’t get to spend enough time doing the things she wants to do, yet she goes out 3-4 times per week when she should be organizing her chaos
•  She’s unable to make a decision without consulting her daddy: Confidently making decisions is the sign of a true adult. We may have absolutely NO idea if it is the right one, but we make it, learn from it, and move on. If your girlfriend needs to have a phone conference with her “daddy” to figure out if it’s “OK” to put air in the tires of her car, reconsider the fact that she’s your wife.
• She has champagne tastes on a PB & J budget: she overspends, considering every luxury item to be a necessity. She puts the family in debt neck high to take vacations you can’t afford.
• She is unable to speak in a logical fashion about anything: If confronting your significant other about something simple turns into something that is out of control…run.
• She gets along with her mother too well: If she’s on the phone with her mom four times a day, then she hasn’t grown up enough to get married. He’s basically be married to your own mother-in-law, and that sounds horrible. The book of Corinthians exclaims that both man and wife shall flee from their parents, and cleave only to each other, forsaking their parents and family. Too many marriages die because one spouse cares more for their family than for their spouse.
• She’s never seen STAR WARS: Because… I mean… come on.
• Girls expect their men to know how they feel and what they’re thinking: – women use their words.

 

SIGNS YOU’RE MARRIED TO MOMMAS BOY, NOT A MAN:

• A boy refuses to share the load at home: instead of sharing the chores duties, he lets his wife take care of the home 100%, a man assists in dishes, trash, cleaning, honey doo’s, yardwork, because he wants to ease his wife’s burdens.
• Is a steady provider financially: he maintains a steady job as to enable her to be at home if she so chooses.
• A boy never lets her have a break with the children, instead of stepping in at night or when she is overwhelmed, he makes her tend to the children more often than not.
• A boy takes no interest in active parenting, and leaves it to the mother to teach and educate the children.

• A momma’s boy is a slouch: he lacks proper hygiene, and rarely showers or changes his clothes from day to day.

• Is a poor handyman: he’s in no way able to fix or install things around the house.

• Doesn’t know how to romance her or surprise her: A boy makes no effort to go above and beyond to show her a good time, and rarely makes a special effort to let her knows how much she cares.

• Boys avoid uncomfortable conversations – men know how to communicate their needs.

• Boys don’t set priorities – a man realizes what’s most important and makes you a priority: above work, above his friends, above church, above even your children.

• Boys go out and get wasted – men can hold their liquor and know their limits: a man never over does it, and makes sure he can remain composed.

• Doesn’t make intimacy as much of a priority as dating and romancing her.

• Goes down on her rarely: a true man is proud of his skills and goes to great lengths to practice often with maximum effort.

• Is ashamed of her wet orgasm: woman have a tendency to gush frequently during sex, a man is proud of it, and doesn’t shy away from it.

• Has no desire to maintain his body, by doing Exercises daily

• Gives her time to herself, whether it be at home relaxing, or going out to de-stress with friends.

 An immature spouse is POISON to marriage... literally crippling and destroying a couples love from within. Where immaturity exists, and these symptoms arise, love can not grow or flourish. If you are guilty of any one of these guilt's it is time to ask yourself if your marriage is worth the effort to change.  A spouse who has to put up  with these traits for years will eventually either leave, or fall out of love, there's no other scenario for a man or woman who doesn't put in effort to maintain a marriage.

 

Typically men are able to understand our needs as a wife, they know how to romance us, communicate with us, help us feel safe and loved, and most men go above and beyond with helping around the house so that we as women can in turn meet their needs as husbands. Unfortunately our gender has the tendency to be rather selfish more often than not and don't understand our husbands basic needs, and eventually after years of neglect they stop meeting our basic needs, and the cycle goes on and on...

 

To better understand your quality as a wife read the 2 lists below, have your husband honestly asses each question with 0-1 points each, giving partial points if needed. if you have:

• 5+ traits in survey 1 you have serious personal issues that are likely killing your husband and marriage from the inside. 6+ Indicates your marriage is on the verge of divorce because of the pain he is in. 7+ indicates he is dead inside and cries frequently, but loves you too much to leave you, so he will suffer with you for 50 years until he dies.
• 3+ items you withhold from your husband indicates he is likely emotionally withdrawing from you because of neglect.

 Are You Marriage Material? 10 Signs You May Not Make a Good Wife:

1. You’re Selfish More Often Than Not

Marriage is not only a commitment, it’s a haven where the essence of love is in self-giving. It simply means that if you’re only thinking about yourself, your spouse becomes an object – not a partner – and mutual love cannot grow. If you want him to cater to you constantly without reciprocating in or out of bed, you’re not good when it comes to compromise, and you don’t want to share him with family or friends, chances are your selfishness will eventually alienate and suffocate him. Most selfish people use their partner’s love against them and hold their partners accountable for their own happiness. If you don’t remember that you give up the “I’s” for a “we”, you’ll be putting an unrealistic expectation on your future husband to hold down the marriage on his own.

 

2. You’re Extremely Jealous
If you’re a jealous person by nature, this won’t change once he puts a ring on it – it’ll only make it worse.  We’ve all been a little jealous from time to time, and some may argue that a healthy level of jealousy is actually good for a relationship. However, extreme jealousy is a sign of insecurity, and professing your love before God and 100 guests in a white gown won’t change feelings of low self-esteem or inadequacy. Now that he’s not just your boyfriend, but your husband, your possessiveness will increase tenfold and you’ll feel threatened by every woman he comes in contact with if you don’t get a handle on your jealousy issues. Be honest with yourself and get help if needed.

 

3. You’re a Party Girl

Most men wouldn’t take too kindly to their wife dropping it like it’s hot in the club or on the town every night. There’s nothing wrong with having a good time with friends, siblings, or parents, but when you have a man at home who wants to spend even a few minutes of quality time with you before work the next day, it’s not a good look. Going out with your girls from time to time is great, and he should get out with the fellas as well. No one is suggesting that you cut off the rest of the world where you have no outlet. However, the type of outlet and frequency should not compromise the amount of time you spend with each other. He may feel that stepping out every chance you get instead of spending time at home is disrespectful and that he isn’t a priority. In marriage, you need to find a balance between being together and being out with others. If you haven’t gotten your social ways out of your system, you may want to give marriage a second thought.

 

5. You’re Materialistic
Not only do some women dream of getting married, some dream of marrying a wealthy man – someone to take care of them. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to be comfortable in a relationship, if you over want/spend you may be in for a rude awakening. Marriage is supposed to last in good times and bad, in sickness and in health and for richer OR poorer. Some women only focus on the “richer” part. People who are materialistic tend to always consider their wants to be needs, thus overspending and jeopardizing each others financial stability.

6. Neglectful & Unfaithful To Vows & Promises Made Before Marriage

Let’s face it, you know if you’re a deadbeat spouse or not. This is not to say that once a careless spouse always a careless spouse– but most people who are repeatedly unfaithful or neglectful in relationships don’t change unless they truly are ready and they want to. If you WANT to, then great – you can change and be a great wife to a wonderful man. But if you haven’t finished emotionally maturing, then don’t bring anyone else into your mess. Remain single until you can remain faithful. And by faithful we don't mean just cheating with another person, it also means by ignoring a spouses needs even after countless discussions about the neglect.

 

7. Non-Sexual, Low Libido

Sex isn’t everything in a relationship, but it’s important enough to destroy it, and anyone who says differently is either a virgin or is lying. Marriage is made up of love, respect, commitment…and sex, and if your libidos don’t match or your sex drive is non-existent, chances are you probably won’t even make it past the courting stage to a proposal unless you both have taken a vow of celibacy until then. Most couples relate to each other through intimacy, so if you rarely want to have sex, your partner may feel disconnected, and he will eventually look for that connection elsewhere (or just ignore you all together). If you feel that your sex drive is abnormally low, check with your physician to make sure you are healthy – both mentally and physically so that you can work this out before entertaining the thought of eventually becoming a wife. The main idea is here is not to imply that being a good wife lies between your legs, but instead to consider real life circumstances when choosing a life partner.

 

8. Did she change her identity after she landed you? For example, when you first met her she was a sexy, adventurous, sweet ballbuster; now, she’s afraid of her own shadow, has minimal marital interests, instead spending the bulk of her time with children, friends, or family. Gaining excessive weight and being sedentary also have serious health effects that can worry a partner. They also limit your activities and lifestyle, so that you and your spouse cannot live life to its fullest.

 

9. You haven’t “found” yourselfSometimes, the breaking point of a marriage comes at the hands of one person’s realization that they need to find themselves. When someone gets married too young or for the wrong reasons, they feel no obligation to due wifely things, and feel the itch to do things that they should’ve done before they got married. If you haven’t invested in yourself and given yourself time to grow, don’t jump into marriage.


10. You are just miserable every time you are around her. You're supposed to be happy with your spouse, end of story. There will be days where you don't want to be around them or days when they their neglect hurts so deeply that you feel straight up miserable and unhappy by being with your spouse. Your spouses neglect or meanness makes you feel miserable and that's all you really need to know about a toxic marriage.

8 Things Husbands Need To Be Happy In Marriage:

 

1. Sex: While it's easy to just chalk our cravings up to men always being horny, you'd be surprised how much our desires are actually driven by a need for more intimacy. Sure, we laugh about peeing with the door open and all of our clothes have spit-up stains, but we really do appreciate the real closeness and emotional bonding that comes with sex.

2. Affection: If you're done laughing at us from #1, we're ready to talk more about intimacy. We love you. We love being married to you. We love being dads. We don't always love running errands, but those Bed Bath & Beyond coupons aren't going to use themselves. What we wouldn't mind, though, is some more expressions of your love. A simple hug, kiss, or surprise from you for no reason—all things that you enjoy receiving —goes a long way for us, too.

3. Space: If we want to spend time watching TV in another room, it might just be because we don't want to watch Real Housewives of Des Moines or just want to be alone with our thoughts. We're not rejecting or avoiding you.

4. Attention: Some wives think its ok to put our children, family, friends, housework, to do list, all above spending time with him. If he feels like he is at the low end of your priority list he may stop caring about your needs and emotions and seek comfort elsewhere, or fall into depression.

5. Blow Jobs: I can tell by the look on your face that I should move along. but the blunt truth is this should probably be listed at number 2... If you cant meet this simple need you may want to go out and find a back up man, studies show girls who don't give head tend to be the ones who get cheated on or divorced...

6. Having A Wife Who's In Shape & Hot: Before you call me misogynistic, keep in mind that hot is subjective. I'll never tell any woman what she has to do to be hot. Your husband might love it when you wear sweatpants and his old t-shirt (I know Brett does). Many husbands adore that their wives are curvier than when they first met. All I'm saying is, whatever your husband enjoys most about your body…flaunt it from time to time. That being said, make it a top priority to stay in tip top shape and maintain a hygienic appearance.

7. Hobbies: Unless he's bankrupting you, let your husband indulge in his hobbies. Whether it's a backyard smoker, fly fishing gear, or a new set of golf clubs, hobbies are healthy and allowing your husband to treat himself (or getting a treat from you) should be encouraged.

8. Sex: I mean, sometimes we are just horny, and lovey dovey sex doesn't cut it, it is at these times they just need us to fuck their brains out.

So? How did you do? are there changes you need to make in your attitude towards your relationship and his needs? So many women don't realize the lingering effects these areas can have in their spouses lives and in their marriages, If we are truly dedicated and in love with our spouse we will take the steps needed to correct them and make steps to reduce selfish behavior, and instead meet their needs.

We as Christians struggle to find a balance of what is ok and what is not sexually, we are programmed to despise sex until marriage, unfortunately it is near impossible to erase that programming without mindful effort, we must realize sex was created for us, without it, it can not grow, we must embrace all forms of our and our lovers sexualness in order to grow tour full potential and happiness as husband and wife.

Erase this programming early before it is too late, before you hurt your partner in unfathomable ways, before it creates a rift between your marriage that may never be repaired...

God Bless my friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.wikihow.com/Spice-up-Your-Sex-Life