THIS IS WHY YOU CANT ORGASM VAGINALLY DURING SEX
Why Can’t I Climax During Sex?
I usually can’t orgasm during intercourse, though I can have one on my own. My partner wants us to have mutual orgasms and I feel like I am letting him down. Am I normal?
In a word, yes. Research indicates that up to 80 percent of women cannot reach orgasm through intercourse (or do so only occasionally). That means fewer than a quarter of women climax through thrusting alone, no matter how big his penis is, no matter how long he lasts, and no matter how you feel about him.
Thirty percent of women have trouble reaching orgasm.
If you've ever had trouble climaxing, you're not alone. According to Planned Parenthood statistics, as many as 80 percent of women have difficulty with orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone. Clitoral stimulation during intercourse can help, says Stern, but so can medical treatment. Of course you can be sure to see your doctor to rule out things like thyroid disease, depression or diabetes, but even with these orgasms are easy to reach when the effort is there. My search for the vaginal orgasm began to feel a lot like one of those ghost-hunting TV shows.
First off, let me say unequivocally, that EVERY woman is capable of deeper vaginal orgasms. By that, I mean the G-Spot, AFE zone, and cervical orgasms.
These are the orgasms that change your life.
While the clitoris is fun and good for a laugh or a warmup, if you really want to harness the power of your sexual energy, you need to go deeper. A few inches deeper. These deeper, vaginal orgasms are like the Loch Ness Monsters of sexuality. They are mysterious and subject to much skepticism and known only to some. The reason why they elude many people, and especially laboratory analysis (though they’ve been sighted in some labs; mainly French, and not English), is because they involve far more than just technique.
In fact, I’d say that technique is less than 10% of what will take you there.
Here’s the other 90% of why you can't orgasm vaginally
REASON # 1 You're Just Lazy... You Don't Make Sex A Priority In Your Marriage
I'm calling you out sweetheart, you have time for entertainment, you have time for friends, you have time for family, food, work, possibly even school, children, or hobbies, but when it comes to one of the single most important things a husband and wife can do... YOU'RE JUST LAZY...
Can't orgasm on his cock no matter how big, small, or perfect it is? Guess who's to blame? I'll give you a hint, it's not him. Far too many women in todays age of marriage feel entitled to once being married stop giving, stop trying, they shut down sexually and in most aspects of intimacy. They feel entitled to put sex on the backburner and focus on other pursuits.
So here's the deal ladies, you need to put sex on the schedule, like, daily! Not necessarily sex daily, but you need to put sexual things on the schedule. Think about sex, read about sex, look at something sexual, put on something that makes you feel horny or sexy, educate yourself by reading one of millions of different resources available online for married women to better their sex drive and the sexual experience itself. He after all pulls his weight in the relationship, maybe its time you start pulling yours...
As you continue reading you'll discover the key ways in which you have been pussy blocking your own pleasure through lack of effort.
You Don't Know Your Own Body... You have no idea what works for you.
The vagina has a lot of parts to it and it's not like we learn a ton about how it all works when we're growing up, and chances are you don't know your own hoo-haa any better than your mans penis, so Dr. McDonald-Mosley says many women don't even know what feels good to them. She suggests trying to masturbate while stimulating your clitoris and inside your vagina at the same time (try The Rabbit) or separately to figure out what you like, and then share that with your partner.
As I’ve mentioned before, most women have numb vaginas.
A numb vagina is the product of some kind of dissociation. This may be through sexual or emotional trauma, or simply by virtue of growing up in our sexually repressed and oppressed culture. Few people make it out alive–or with feeling in their vaginas. You have to re-cultivate it. And bring it back to life. Learn to find your g-spot, play with different angles, speeds, depths, thrusting styles, and locations inside your vagina. You'll find that the more you come to know your own vagina the better he'll be able to make you feel. Sex is painful for those who don't do it enough, and in contrast sex is orgasmic for those who do it often enough.
You Don't Know Where Your G-Spot Is...
I’ve had women G-Spot orgasm just hours after telling them that they couldn't. Meaning, they’d previously bought into the untruth that “only some women can have G-Spot orgasms.” Since they’d tried and failed before, they assumed they were in that category. Then, they found me, and I told them that all women were able to have G-Spot orgasms (and all others). Many of these women tried that very day. And they succeeded.
Because if you think you can, you can. And if you think you can’t, you can’t. Sometimes it’s that simple. I guarantee that you can.
You're Physically Not Ready... You Don't Exercise Regularly...
These deeper orgasms involve stamina. This is why I love them. They push you to go further than you think you can, to surrender deeper than you think you can. And then a little bit further. You know when you work with a trainer at the gym, or a really challenging yoga teacher? And they don’t let you hide? They don’t let you cheat? They push you to your edge and hold you there. Until you break. In a good way. Apply that to sex and your orgasm. You let go a layer. And then another layer. And another layer. And once you’ve peeled back enough layers of yourself, you’ll find truth.
You’ll find your orgasm.
This process has saved my life over the years—having a dependable place (besides the gym, and yoga, and wherever else I can find it) I can go to break myself. And to die. They don’t call it “the little death” for nothing folks. You have to earn it.
If you haven't already read our exercise blog and discover the wonders that happen to your vagina when the muscles are toned around your groin area, let me say from my own experience that adding muscle and losing 30 pounds made orgasm pleasure increase by 200%!
Of course a glass of wine is guaranteed to get your orgasms on board, as will maximizing or minimizing prescription drugs to meet your bodies needs.
Your vagina is weak... You Don't Do Your Kegels Daily...
Dr. Emily Morse, a sex expert with a doctorate from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality, says Kegels will immensely help you out by strengthening your muscles and basically giving you the vaginal equivalent of a six-pack — when the muscles down there are more defined, it's easier to locate the G-spot. She also suggests a sex toy with a slight curve.
It follows that if your vagina is numb, it’s also weak.
While it’s possible that a woman could still have pleasure in her vagina, nearly all women lack vaginal strength. What’s the barometer for a powerful vagina? Can you shoot ping pong balls with your vagina? Or cause your man to ejaculate or not ejaculate with the articulation of your vagina alone? If not, your vagina could use a workout routine.
How do you feel when your body is fit and strong?
You’re more confident and capable. You feel good inside your own skin. Your body is humming because, blood, oxygen, hormones and neurotransmitters—all the things you need to feel truly vibrant—are flowing optimally.
When your vagina is strong and supple, it is more responsive and can generate the friction needed to “rub up” against and squeeze whatever is inside it. You’ll derive much more pleasure from the squeezing.
And so will your partner.
Kegel exercises strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, which can help you have better sex and more intense orgasms. And if "intense orgasms" wasn't enough to sway you, don't let the word exercise turn you off: You can practice your Kegels anywhere, and they're so easy to do that you can knock them out in five minutes a day.
How to do it: Start by instinctively squeezing the muscles you'd use to stop the flow of urine. Got 'em? Great. Now hold them in (squeeeeze!) for 10 seconds, and then relax for 10 seconds. Build up to five sets of 10 squeezes. As you get more advanced, there are several variations and speeds to try (and I can get to that another day!), but the most important part is just sticking with them.
Here's how this magical exercise translate into better sex: The muscles that you're strengthening, also known as the "pc" (pubococcygeus) muscles, are the same ones that contract during an orgasm. If you strengthen and tone them with regular workouts, it will amplify those sensations and make it easier to reach climax during sex.
Having strong pelvic floor muscles will also make your vagina feel tighter, potentially making your orgasm much more intense. So, you know, bonus! After a few weeks of dedicated Kegel exercises, that vaginal orgasm should come at last. If not, you'll still have increased sensitivity, heightened orgasms (yes, even clitoral ones) and a healthy pelvic floor.
You're Mentally Out Of Shape...
Maybe its stress about stupid little things in life, maybe its the fact you don't masturbate or fantasize on a regular basis, but whatever it is, something is mentally blocking you from seeking out and experiencing your first vaginal orgasm. Masturbation and fantasy are what keeps a womans sex-drive going, you take that away and you can guarantee she'll be cold as ice sexually.
You may be Bored (spice it up): If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, says Dr. Herbenick. "It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act," she says. "For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone. This may be because more sex acts mean that people spend more time having sex."
You might just need some lube. About 40 percent of women don't produce enough natural lubrication to enjoy sex. Dr. McDonald-Mosley says that even if your body normally gets wet, sometimes the chemistry of condoms, hormones, and emotions can throw that off and leave you dry. Just adding lubricant (ALERT: it's not just for old ladies, it's for every lady) is an easy way to make you feel more comfortable and orgasm-ready.
You freak out when you feel it coming on. The game-changing factor that separates the girls from the women (or the clitoris from the vagina) is the ability to open up, drop your guard, and surrender. If you can’t do that, you won’t get there. These deeper, internal orgasms call on the deeper, internal parts of you. Your vulnerability, your authentic self—they need to be present. You can’t hide behind a wall. Sometimes it feels like you need to pee, other times it feels like his cock is too big and you're being stretched, if you can't break past this you'll never achieve the big O. Generally speaking this also means you're a bit on the selfish side and don't get as much pleasure from giving pleasure.
There's a reason why most women report having their first vaginal orgasm while cheating with someone other than their husband, want to know why? They let themselves enjoy it! They're so turned on that the pussy muscles puff outwards and allow the cock to stimulate the pussy, they also tend to allow a stranger to go deeper, harder, faster even, and when they feel the urge to pee, or even feel a wince of pain they ignore it because they want to impress the new guy, and eventually they know it means they're about to cum!
You're Just Rushing It...
There's a reason that most women report to have vaginal orgasms when cheating, and there's a reason for that, they're super turned on, they're aroused enough for your Vaginal tissues to puff out and be ready for stimulation. What does this mean? You need to either find new or more ways to get turned on, or spend more time on foreplay.
You're Just Lazy... Get to work ladies, you control your orgasms, not him...
Trust me when I say, that when you learn to experience vaginal orgasms you're mindset on sex will go from "I like having sex" to "Give me your cock now", and both your husband and your marriage will benefit from you putting in the time to prepare your body and mind to experience it.
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