Horny Ways to Increase Your Sex Drive and Keep it High
From time to time, your sex drive can dwindle and become nearly nonexistent. If that’s you, then you need these sexy ways to get it back.
Everybody struggles with libido issues at some point in their
lives. You just get into a slump and can’t find a way out of it-no matter how
much you will yourself to get in the mood. This can cause a number of different
problems in your relationship and even wreak havoc on you psychologically.
Whenever
there’s a sex rut in a relationship, both partners become frustrated and can
lash out for ridiculous reasons simply because they’re not being sexually
satisfied. It can also cause insecurities with the partner who isn’t
experiencing the dip in their sex drive because they may blame their partner’s
lack of desire for sex on themselves.
I, for
one, have experienced this from time to time and have discovered my lack of
libido usually comes from the ending of the “honeymoon stage.” In short, I get bored and used to the person and things aren’t
as exciting as they once were.
Why you just aren’t horny anymore!
To fully
understand how to get your sex drive back into gear, you should first
distinguish what’s causing you to not feel like getting busy between the
sheets. While everyone is different and might just have a different libido,
there are a number of contributing factors.
#1 Increased stress.
Stress plays a huge role on a number of different bodily functions and your
libido is definitely one of them. Who wants to have sex when they’ve got too
much other stuff going on in their heads? Take time daily and specially
weekly for some “You-time” to relax, refocus your goals and priorities in life,
and recommit yourself to being the best damned wife, mother, or person you can
be.
#2 The end of the “honeymoon phase.” Just
like for me, other couples get into a low-sex rut when that initial phase of
excitement and all things new ends, and they are used to and comfortable with
each other. So what does this mean? You’ve gotta do new things, in life,
in dating, and specially in sex! You’ve got to open up to a new level you never
thought possible, doing and becoming new things that would make your mother
considering you to be a total whore of a wife.
#4 Low self-esteem. If you’re not feeling hot or
sexy, you’re not going to want to take your clothes off and get it on with
someone, right? There’s oh so many ways that you can feel better about
yourself, how you feel, and look.
·
Exercise just about every day
·
Don’t be a hermit, be active
socially
·
Lose the Pj’s, stretchy pants,
and loungewear, and put on some actual clothing, you don’t necessarily have to
put your makeup on or hair up, but wear something that makes you feel
attractive!
#5 New medications. There are certain medications
with the side effect of decreasing your sex drive. If you just started a new
medication and are feeling less than excited to hop in the sheets and get it
on, it might be to blame for your lack of desire *be sure to talk to your
doctor about any concerns and before stopping any medication*. Common
medications that can throw your hormones into whack include Birth control,
Anti-depressants, Incorrect Thyroid dosages, Overly dominant Estrogen based
meds that reduce your testosterone. (Testosterone is huge when it comes to
desire, all these meds suppress it).
#6 The Elusive Orgasm: Why Is It Harder to Have One
Post-Childbirth?
- “He doesn’t feel as big as he used to”
- “I feel slight pain during sex initially”
- “I don’t orgasm like I used to vaginally”
- “I can’t seem to find my G-spot now”
- “I’m so busy & tired, I feel like I have to schedule sex these days”
- “Because I’m breastfeeding my desire is gone, I only have sex because he wants to”
All of these are things we hear from new mothers.
Want to know an underlying issue here? The
weakening of your pelvic muscles, due to childbirth. The pelvic muscles help by
sending stimulating senses to your brain, leading to sexual desire and an intensive
orgasm. Weakened pelvic muscles may not respond if they’re out of shape,
leading to less desire, and more difficult getting the big O vaginally.
Additionally it may take time exploring your own vagina to get to know the
layout of your g-spot and pleasure spots after giving birth, as your plumbing
will most certainly shift in some aspects. Worried about being “too loose” down
there? DO YOUR KEGELS LADIES! You’ll O better and more often, and he’ll O
harder.
Strengthen Your Pelvic Floor
You may
have heard of “Kegels” while preparing for childbirth. They are a series of
exercises that help strengthen your pelvic floor (the pelvic muscles and
tissue beneath your pelvic girdle) and make childbirth easier, as well as
keeping incontinence from occurring.
Kegels can
also help you achieve that much needed orgasm again! Kegels involve contracting
and releasing your pelvic muscles repeatedly, in the same way you would release
the muscles to urinate and contract the muscles to cut off the flow of urine.
Kegels can be done anywhere, at anytime, including during sex to
intensify the pleasure of an orgasm.
Pain on the other hand is not normal and
medical attention should be sought out, whereas breastfeeding will absolutely
lead to decreased desire overall.
How To Get In the Mood For Sex
So far you’ve learned that your sexual response
model is all your own. If you want to get horny, you need to:
Release your brakes – aka your sexual inhibition system– This means
you need to do things that address your inhibitions if they are many or
particularly sensitive. Some examples of inhibitions include stress, feeling
disconnected from your partner, having a poor self-image, childhood trauma and
abuse, depression, certain medications, anxiety, exhaustion or anything else
that prevents you from getting turned on and horny.
Encourage your accelerators – aka your sexual excitement system (SIS) –
This means you need to focus on things that actively turn you on and make you
horny, whether it’s seeing someone sexy, either in person or on a screen,
smelling a certain scent, being touched a certain way by your partner, hearing
a sexy song, wearing something sexy, reading erotica.
# 1 Watch something hot, hot, hot!
There is probably no quicker way to get in the mood than
sticking on a sexy movie. You might be into hardcore porn, or prefer the
lighter touch of a romantic movie with plenty of steamy scenes. Whatever floats
your boat, you are sure to find something that gets the blood pumping to your
sensitive parts in no time at all.
ALTERNATLY,
Embrace
erotica:
If pornography is not your thing, have you tried reading some erotica? Most
women find this the best way to ignite their libido. Find the type that works
for you, the internet is full of stories that are just perfect to spike your
mood.
# 2 Exercise:
Exercising can be a huge confident booster. When you feel
good about your body, you get more in tune with your sexuality. Read our
exercise blog post for more details.
# 3 Masturbate.
One of the oldest, simplest, and most effective ways to get you in the mood can
be masturbation. The great news is you don’t have to wait until you are feeling
horny to do it. Even if you don’t think you are in the mood, simply get under
the covers, start off slowly, or use that great sex toy to help you. Think sexy
thoughts and soon you’ll realize just how horny you are! Try various positions:
be your own porn star in front of the mirror, stand up, sit down, get on all
fours, and bend over the bed.
One woman explains why this works for her:
In essence, I’m showing myself how I look and sound to a man when we’re fucking,
really visualize sex and go through it in your head focusing on what it will
look like, feel like, smell like, taste like. I’m not saying the actual act has
to be exactly how you visualized but it helps get you in the mindset and mood.”
Masturbating different ways makes it easier to cum when you’re with your guy.
One of my
biggest words of advice would be to make sex a daily habit. Now husbands don’t het
too excited, this doesn't mean you get to screw like rabbits every day. What it
does mean is that you as a female need to put sex on your brain manually,
stimulating yourself, educating yourself, and priming your body and desire to
be more susceptible to becoming horny. Your sex drive and desire is your
responsibility, not his… By simply taking 10-15 minutes a day to do things such
as:
·
Read our articles or other sexual focusing online material
·
Read a sexual book or marital book
·
Watch a sexy video
·
Use Tumblr for sexual GIF’s (where I get most of ours from)
·
Sexually educate yourself online or in books
·
Fantasize and possibly even touch yourself
·
Take care of your body by exercising and looking presentable
This steps
alone will ensure you’re more or less horny on a daily basis, OUT OF SIGHT OUT
OF MIND IS AS REAL AS IT GETS. Either you put it in your mind, or its just not
going to be there, that simple ladies.
TUMBLR
TUMBLR is
ranked the #1 porn outlet for women these days, why is that? It has organized
categories of sexual content for GIF images, videos, and stories. Honestly Tumblr
is where I learned how to give such amazing blowjobs haha.
Daily you can
research new topics to turn you on and educate yourself, try it! Just Google
search “……….. Tumblr sex (or porn), you fill in the blank!
Teach yourself
something new every day, whether it be how to give bj’s, lick pussy, be
dominant, submissive, how to talk dirty, be more vocal, positions, striptease
ideas, marital ideas, squirting techniques, romantic sex, rough sex, hotwifing,
threesomes, orgy’s, gangbangs, roleplay, big cocks, lesbian, masturbation
ideas, and oh so much more!
# 4 Sext: Sometimes, being apart from your partner and sending naughty
texts could be the best way to make him more attractive to you again. It does
not get any better than him telling you all the dirty things he wants to do
with your body. Take some steamy pictures. The sexy selfie is a surefire way to get you and your partner
feeling seriously hot under the collar.
You can go full frontal and seriously
dirty, or leave something to the imagination. Either way setting up your very
own sexy photo shoot, getting into different sexy outfits and posing for the
camera is going to make you feel gorgeous, confident, and ready to romp!
# 5 Initiate sex: This could seem unimaginable if you suffer from low sex
drive, but there is an arousing feeling that comes with claiming your man. Most women get turned on
when they approach their man, tell him what to do and take what they want. They
feel in control and confident in knowing it is solely their decision.
# 6 TAKE PRIDE IN
YOUR ABILITIES: One of the most disappointing things I see in women (which I
would slap the heck of given the chance) is the girl who no longer takes pride
in making her man proud of her… Remember when you were dating the things you
would say or do to make him proud of you, to make him feel as if he had the
best chick on earth and no other girl could beat your abilities or take care of
his needs? That girl was amazing right?! She always looked her best, she was a
sexual tease, she possibly even sucked your cock like a beast every week and
even let you finish in her mouth, she fucked like a porn star, and was crazy
skilled at blowing his mind.
Now let me ask you this ladies… WTF happened to that woman? Where
did she go? You no longer care about how you look, dress, nor about meeting his
sexual needs. You at as if giving head is now as bad as taking out the trash,
you only fuck him when it conveniences you or when you can tell he needs some
pity sex. WTF is wrong with you? I don’t normally ever criticize a reader, but
this is the type of woman who deserves to be dumped or even cheated on. A good girlfriend,
wife, or spouse, will never stop trying to impress their lover. END OF STORY.
Meaning if you’re not trying to fulfil their every fantasy, if you’re not
giving them what they need in bed, and if you’re not trying to be the girl he
would gladly show off or boast about to his friends, well then hunnie… You
hustled him out of a happy life and relationship.
FINAL THOUGHTS…
- DETERMINE THE ISSUE (OR ISSUES) SUPRESSING YOUR SEXUAL DESIRE
- MAKE PLANS TO SOLVE IT (GOAL SETTING)
MAKE EXERCISE A DAILY HABBIT - DRINK A GLASS OF RED WINE DAILY
- MAKE PHYSICAL TOUCH MORE OF A PRIORITY (NON SEXUAL)
- WATCH PORN OR READ EROTICA (DAILY SEXUAL EDUCATION+STIMULATION) ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FANTAISZE
- MASTURBATE OFTEN
- WEAR SEXIER CLOTHING & KEEP YOUR HOME CLEAN
- TALK ABOUT SEX MORE (WITH ANYONE, YOUR SPOUSE, ONLINE FACEBOOK GROUPS, FAMILY, FRIENDS)
Comments
At the end of the day yeah that 6th aspect of trying to make us proud of her is extremely vital, i think both genders are probably guilty of failing at this at times through marriage, not just women, the key is being consistent. I mean yeah its not fair to you to marry this person who was perfect and fought deeply to win you over while dating, only to finally get you & quit on the marriage im that way once she gets the ring. Its cruel honestly. But i mean just be honest with her, if she expects to keep you (or at least keep a happy marriage) she's got to understand that quiting in these aspects of marriage is more or less quitting in the marriage itself, it'll only go downhill because of the affects... i'm not saying leave her, but be blunt, you're doing all the giving, she's being lazy & careless and allowing your marriage to be put at risk. Its not one of those things she can just say "hey, i'm pulling this aspect of our relationship off the table, deal with it", she may not realize thats what she's done but it needs to be brought to her attention.
Take it from someone who knows, if you dont tell her she'll never know how important it is to you. To be honest my wife was more or less in the same situation in some aspects, but she didnt realize it until i brought it tonher attention, i'm not saying it'll fix it, but it may. My spouse was an absolute freak before marriage, immediately doing a full 180 flip after marriage becoming as sexually neglectful as it gets, but she didnt realize it because injust kept it bottled up for years. It's like you said, you want a spouse you can be proud of, who pits in effort in the marriage, in themselves and their appearance, and in being the sexual person they were before marriage, you can go from being a freak in bed to being ice cold and not expect the marriage to last... Hopefully by opening up and telling her she realizes she screwed up and againg fights to make you proud of her. Whole dating I couldnt have been prouder to call her mine, obviously by completely changing who she is/was has left me not even knowing who she is which has significantly harmed our overall love and closeness together, marriage is 50% emotional+connection, and 50% physical in attraction and sexualness, when a spouse stops taking care of themselves & stop being themselves sexually they're essentially cutting the marriages love, connection, and strength im half by 50%...
Again, understand though you've probably got some of the same weaknesses she does in other aspects, maybe not as many or as bad of ones, but also be willing to fix those to be fair and make sure you're the same person she fell in love with.
So heres what honestly happens when she takes away 10% because she lets herself go, & 5% for enthusiasm in bed, & 5% because she stops seducing you and initiating randomly, and 10% because she gets grossed out by swallowing, and 10% because she doesent want to put in a effort to give bjs. What is that left with? 60%!!! He now loves you 40% less because you've changed and not for the better... and guess what?! That emotional connect? Down the drain because he no longer knows who you are or even trusts you... so yeah, he loves you 65% less than he used to... just enough not to leave you, but enough to secretly want to hate you because you've lied to him and made him miserable by changing who you are, and why he loved you.
YOU DONT GET TO TAKE THESE THINGS OFF THE TABLE AND NOT DESTROY YOUR MARRIAGE!!
Congratulations, he barely loves you anymore, he wants to love you, he's trying to love you, but you lied to him about who you were just to trick him into falling for you.
Sky you brought out a great point that this can also be reversed and start with men who dont try and stay emotionally connected to their wife, so it goes both ways. But usully it starts wirh the wife neglecting him long before he distants himself emotionally from her.
I remember my spouse saying the same thing about "people change", which is definitely true, but not as far as their core identity goes. People get new hobbies, develop new interests, mature even sometimes, but they dont stop putting in effort towards their marriage, themselves, the emotional connection, and the physical/sexual connection, thats just pure laziness and unwillingness to show love or care, its like relationship suicide if you ask me. I think its just important to point out that doing something like this essentially the marriage conditions/contract to the extent that its maybe more of a friendship/partnershio than anything. I'm sure If Nicks spouse was to ask him if he still loves her as much as he did when they first fell in love he would honestly say no, but that he wanted to love her just as much, and he was trying to love her just as much, but he truely didnt know who she was anymore because she'd completely changed who she was and how she treats him. You have to fight for the person you love, you have to work at it, nothings going to fall into your lap magically, it takes effort personally, jointly, and as one. If she has stopped loving him by 45% as you so wisely illustrated how can she expect him to look at her the same way? She's betrayed his trust, lied about who she is, and now expects to be treated like rotalty despite herself being so neglectful and loveless.
I believe that as a married individual we have the honor, privilege, and duty to make our spouse proud to call us theirs. Whether that be by the way we serve them at home taking care of household duties, the way we provide for each other whether it be financially or with meals, whether it be the way they treat us with respect an adoration, or the way they talk to us with care and concern. I think most men and women do a pretty good job at most of these areas of focus. The problem is within the physical nature of the marriage ( which again accounts for 50% of the love and strength of the marriage ). When one spouse chooses to stop trying to impress their spouse this creates a poison in the marriage from neglect & lack of love and care being displayed by one partner.
As a spouse I/we want our partner to meet our needs, someone we could boast about being the best of the best in bed, as a lover i want my man to be a pro when it comes to seducing me and shocking me, a master at foreplay and dirty talk, the king of oral sex who'll go down on me for hours if needed, willing to cover his face with my dripping orgasm, willing to fuck me anytime and anywhere, who dresses like a buff man, and blows my mind in bed. If i cant brag to my friends that he's the best fuck i've ever had he's failed me!
Guess what?? He deserves the same! A master seducer, blowjob & deepthroat expert who swallows on demand, a girl who is fit, is a sexy christian in public yet fucks like a whore and moans like a slut, who blows his mind and makes him proud to claim me as his wife. Every loyal husband deserves a freakishly sluttywife, and every dedicated wife deserves a sexy prince who can fuck like a god.
The difference between someone who really wants all of you or the person who only wants bits and pieces of you when its convenient for them... a consistent spouse isn't a part time giver, versus those who give rarely only when it benefits themselves. There's no way in hell someone who TRUELY LOVES YOU will be inconsistent in showing you how much you're loved. When you really love someone you want to show them you care, you want to fight for them and make them proud to keep you. Don't be fooled by lack of effort and the neglectful spouse who isnt willing to give consistently...