YOU'RE NOT ALONE: LEARNING FROM FELLOW CHURCH MEMBERS
FEAR, SHAME, GUILT, CONFUSION...
We've all been there... After years of being taught sex is bad in church, we finally marry the love of our life, and all of a sudden we're supposed to flip on a light switch and turn on our sex drive. Sadly for many women and some men they struggle to ever turn it on completely, always feeling shamed for wanting sex even within their marriage.
Part of this shame and guilt can be broken down by studying the scriptures to understand sex is good, some of the fear can be swept away by a loving and caring companion who helps them not fear sex, but as for guilt and confusion most if not all of us struggle overcoming this. Sadly guilt and confusion prevent both husbands and wives from loving sex, causing them to shy away from having it out of fear of judgment from God or from their church members.
Throughout our blogs we have clearly used the scriptures to show what is approved sexually from god, and what is considered a sin, yet despite knowing this it can still be hard to let ourselves give in and enjoy sex unless we understand that members of our won religion are having the same kind of wild and fun sex we want to have, but feel too guilty to...
As such, we recently asked our readers to submit photos of themselves and which religion they belong to, as a way to encourage various members of specific religion to see that sex is normal within their own religion, AND WE SHOULD BE HAVING IT TOO! We want to thank the many readers for having the courage to submit pictures of themselves and their lovers as a way to encourage similar religious members to embrace and enjoy sex. We were specially pleased to see the Catholic, Mormon, And Christian members submit dozens of images. Kudos to you our dear friends.
SEX PICTURES FROM OUR READERS, SORTED BY THEIR RELIGIONS:
BAPTISTS
CATHOLICS
MORMONS
CHRISTIANS
BORN AGAIN CHRISTIANS
Comments
In decades past they did ban things like anal sex and oral sex, but after they realized "oh crap what have we done" they cancelled the rules. Leaders recognized that the prophet had been preaching by his personal opinion and not by god commandments (similar to blacks and the priesthood, polygamy, kill yourself for serious sins, and other similar personal opinion commandments.
Then only current statement on sex in marriage is that its purpose is both for creation of life, and for fun to bring spouses together. The only official statement by the prophet states "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has formulated no special rules governing the associations of married people. . . . As to their mutual conduct in the marital relation, so far as sexual intercourse is concerned, they are left entirely free to discern for themselves appropriate guidelines".
Obviously there are common courtesy rules that should always apply, such as not forcing your spouse to do something against their will, not being violent, not harming your bodies, etc. Topics such as masturbation have even been allowed in marriage as of late, previously it was banned, but when the leaders finally realized women cant always orgasm without it they dropped the ban. (clueless old men syndrome haha).
I think a healthy attitude to have is to be open and willing to try new things, but also willing to stop something if our partner doesent like doing it. Oral sex for example is something that a lot of LDS couples debate on. Obviously nobody ever likes giving oral sex the first time, its hard work, makes your jaw tired, you taste your partners fluids, you feel exposed and under pressure. I for one hated giving oral the first time, and didn't want to do it again! but over time I realized that it brought my partner pleasure, that I was really good at it, that each spouse needs some time where they are allowed to serve (and be served) to build bonds. After you have that "aha" moment oral sex stops being hard work, and actually becomes reaaaaally fun! its actually one of my favorite parts of sex. I think couples that don't like something shouldn't have to do it, but that being said they should go to their max effort to learn to like it, and see the benefits before the shut out the sexual act completely. My wife is one that hates giving oral, she gets tired, jaw hurts, doesn't like the taste at times, but she wants to enjoy doing it because she knows sex is incomplete for me without it, not to mention on a scale of 1-100 her skills are 90-95!!! mad skills, so extremely gifted, so beautiful, but again, its up to her, I don't ever want to pressure her, but although she dislikes it she's trying to embrace it before throwing out the act completely (WHICH I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER FOR).
There are so so so many LDS old wives tales about what we can and cant do, and from my studies its clear that 99% of them are entirely made up (such as you have to wear garments for sex lol). So to answer your question, no there are no rules, but you should show courtesy and love at all times in how you act and the things you do.
Even in the bishopric I refuse to let my daughters be taught anything sexual or on modesty, the "wives tales mentality" turns sex into a negative lesson. I think its safe to say most parent these days do not in any way support the opinions of the modesty pamphlets, since that's all they are... Opinions. I wont allow the church to teach pretend laws from God to my children.
Any help for a newlywed inexperienced girl would be so helpful right now. I want to be a good wife sexually but just don't know how...
The key is to understand that when it comes to your sexuality for yourself and your marriage, the church should have minimal (if any) involvement or say into how you live your life sexually. For the erotica/porn thing you're right, they teach one thing but instruct us privately to use it both for education and stimulation. This may be just my interpretation, but the point of the no porn is not so much to exclude it entirely, but to prevent it from becoming a purely solo activity where it might lead to addiction or neglect because the individual is fulfilling their needs from porn instead of their partner. Simply put its a great tool, but use it in moderation, and ideally mostly together. It has definitely helped our marriage in terms of education and the joint experience. Hopefully that helps.
When it comes to "the oral sex rule" you are right that at one time the church came out and said it was evil, but within a month they realized "oh crap we have no idea what we're talking about" and they withdrew the rule and commandment. throughout this time the church had put forward rules that "the clit/female stimulation by herself or a man was wrong and had no purpose". It didn't take long for studies to come out proving the church had no idea what it was talking about, and that this kind of stimulation was vital to females being able to orgasm. So simply put, over the ages the church has put forward dozens of sexual suggestions, 90% of which have been removed because of incorrect assumptions by the churches part. So when it comes to your sexuality my rule of thumb is refer to the bible, which after all proves the church wrong in a variety of ways (everything from oral sex being good, lesbian and gay relationships being ok, swinging occurring, etc). your sex life is yours and yours alone, keep it that way and do with it as you please. The bible promotes this so long as its not rape, incest, or unapproved adultery.
1-They are a 100% necessity if you wish to keep your mans heart glued to you, a wife who doesn't give oral at least every other week is setting herself up to get cheated on either physically or mentally. Oral sex to a man is just as (if not more) important than sex itself. The connection a man develops from giving and receiving oral is beyond description, for myself its a primary way I connect with my wife sexually, sex just flat out is terrible without at least 5 minutes of it.
2-BJ's are the ultimate act of love, a man will more than likely judge you by how often, and how dedicated you are while doing it. A husband who doesn't feel his wifes heart is in it feels complete disappointment when his wife grudgingly (or with minimum effort) gives oral. I can tell you honestly if your man is going down on you every time for 5-15 minutes, and you're not doing the same, he's going to feel unloved, undesired, and unattractive. We've all heard "we grow closer to someone by serving them", well that totally applies sexually too. A man who doesn't receive head at least weekly is going to eventually feel unloved and unwanted. Its sad but true.
3-When it comes to effort:
BJ's are 50% technique, 50% showmanship.
THE TECHNIQUE: avoiding use of teeth, allowing plenty of saliva to get on him (so it doesent begin to hurt or burn, good use of hands stroking and twisting, rythem, attention to detail of head, shaft, balls, etc.,suction (like a vacuum) deepthroating, changing the pace, style and tempo.
THE SHOWMANSHIP: Dirty talk (tell him how much you love it, enjoy what your doing), using your tongue (which is a huge turn on to men), kissing it, smiling lots, eye contact, moaning (which sends full body vibrations and mini orgasms through our whole body), hand play, breast play, begging, being submissive, putting on a show just like he does for you.
Most of all, I would take a look at Whitneys recent article about cum, you can give a great BJ/show, but if you don't embrace his orgasm (cum) he'll orgasm and feel disappointed because she's grossed out by the cum. I can tell you as a husband, if the cum isn't inside her, I only want it 3 other places, in her mouth, on her face, or on her breasts. Learn to love cum otherwise he'll end feeling disappointed and let down (meaning their will always be a sexual void even if he had sex, and even if you gave him oral. Learn to swallow, plain and simple, its the only way to lock your husbands heart to you.
Hope this all helps! don't worry or stress, it all gets easier with time. My wife hated both oral and cum for the first 5 years of marriage, she finally realized I was miserable and started to give oral, and said she wanted to learn to swallow so that I don't end sex feeling disappointed and wanting other women. You'll pick up these skills over time, the key is communication :)
Yeah oral sex just doesent appeal to me, nor does swallowing cum... But, that cum article did put things into perspective. It might take a year or so to get to the point that I enjoy it and am enthusiastic while giving head and hopefully swallowing, but I love my guy and he's worth it to keep him sexually satisfied.
Does anyone else have any advice they wish they'd know back when they were first married and LDS?
Also I would say learn to let loose. MEANING LET YOUR INNER SLUT AND WHORE OUT. We've all heard the old saying, men need a lady on the streets and a freak in the sheets. 100% true! learn to dress provocatively when appropriate, how to talk dirty, how to suck his penis like an absolute pornstar, I learned that when I whore out on my husband while giving head he becomes a new man, he loves me deeper, we connect more passionately, he fulfills my needs even more outside the bedroom. your husband needs a whore, a cock loving, cum sucking whore. Sky covered it pretty well, you've got to give weekly head, swallow religiously, and not allow the church to influence your marriage sexually, its destroyed so so many relationships because of its overreach and incorrect sexual teachings, don't let it influence yours.
One last word of advice, Modesty is absolute b.s. study it out in the bible, it'll open your eyes. garments literally suck the sexuality right out of you, never wear it when sex is possibly on the table. Be confident, dress sexy, act slutty when appropriate, suck his penis like your life depended on it (because your marriage does), and always swallow when allowed. That's how I keep my man in between my legs and nobody elses.
Just my two cents, good luck sweetie, we've all been there.