WHY EVERY MARRIAGE NEEDS KITCHEN SEX

Do you associate that one room in your house with hard, sweaty work, where three pairs of ungrateful little eyes stare at you and remove the peas one by one that you were hoping they would eat after trying so hard to conceal it? The place where hubby drops off his keys and then waits for his domestic helper, Martha, to come serve him? No way, a kitchen is much more than that!

Immediately erase your idea of a kitchen. Actually, a kitchen is the place where divine smells and pretty colours come together, working in a manner that seduces our senses. It’s the one room that you can get creative in. And now we are talking about THAT kind of creativity... So, make an appointment with hubby for Saturday. Ensure that only the two of you are at home and that you have more than enough time to relax. Switch your mobile phones off. Go through the kitchen with “dirty” eyes and ask yourself: “How would it feel if this thing went down my spine?” Before you know it, you be will be creating steamy moments and you will blush every time you make dinner! One prerequisite: Don’t be afraid to get a little dirty and sticky..

Here a few ideas:

Massage him with a rolling pin. Yes, it sounds like a strange instrument, but in reality it is a very effective gadget for a massage. Let hubby lay on the kitchen counter, (use cloths below his knees to make it more comfortable. Now roll his back, buttocks and calves with the baking roller and see how he relaxes in such a manner, that any request you make he will it’s a good idea.
Spank her with a wooden spoon. Hmmm, did Fifty Shades make you think a bit afterwards? A wooden spoon, spatula (or anything with a flat surface and a handle) can ignite the heat of passion. Imagine the idea of you, bent over the kitchen counter with just an apron around your body, and what it will do to hubby, and imagine he is Christian Grey! Hubby must smack softly, if he hurts you then it ruins the moment.)
Melt with warm chocolate fudge. Look for a nice recipe for homemade chocolate fudge and put hubby to work. Now make the recipe together. The smell of melted chocolate is enough to get any woman in the mood. While you are busy making the recipe, you must slowly get rid of your clothes. Don’t cook the fudge until it’s like a soft ball texture, but rather cook it until it’s a nice thick sauce. Now you can feed each other – slowly and sensually. Let hubby lick your fingers clean and then you can lick it off from all the other places on his body if you want to.
Play guessing games. Blindfold your hubby and look in your drawer for roughly ten utensils and use it on different parts of your partner’s body. Pinch him with an ice tong, stroke him with a sauce brush, and bring in the wooden spoon again if you want. He must guess what you use – we bet you he won’t even know that half of those devices exist.
Contrast experimentation. Keep a few warm items and cool items close at hand. Blindfold your wife, take a sip of warm coffee and start teasing her with your warm breadth, all over her body. Place an ice-block in your mouth and slide the piece of ice over the same path as your warm breadth. Now take a sugar pot, press your wet finger inside and draw a heart around her navel. Alternate it with golden syrup. Ask her to (only following the textures and temperatures) guess what you are using.
Chip Clip Nipple Clamps - Warning, not for the faint of heart. I'm a little hesitant to make this suggestion because it has to be the right kind of chip clip - you should only use ones that are flat on the inside, NOT the kind with little teeth or jagged edges meant to hold the bag closed tighter! Although impromptu nipple (or other body part) clamps are a fun idea, remember how easily this skin can be damaged and use your common sense. Smaller clips have less power so are better suited for this pain/pleasure toy. And don't forget to sooth those fire-hot nipples afterward with a little melting ice from the freezer.

And when you are done, sterilize the kitchen counter. Baking and cooking will never be the same again . . .

1 The Deep Freeze

2 The Banana Split

Sit his ass on a bar stool in the middle of the kitchen with his back to the counter so he doesn't see all his future garnishes, aka whatever food substance you'd enjoy dripping, drizzling, or licking off his penis. This will get messy, but better in the kitchen than on your sheets, right? Put an old towel down first if the mess is just not worth the reward. He should def return the favor with the topping of your choosing — just keep sugary stuff from getting inside you.

3 The Special Order

Try a sitting reverse cowgirl with him propped up in a chair facing the counter. This delivers super-deep penetration, plus you can use the counter for leverage to get your hips exactly where you want them. And a reach-around by him would be a lovely way to tip.

4 Counting on You

The kitchen really has the most convenient sex furniture of any room. Solve the problem with most standing positions (nothing to hold on to, difficult access) by trying it in a corner where two cabinets meet (if your kitchen doesn't have this, sorry. Maybe move.) Park your butt in the corner and open a lower cabinet so you have something to prop your foot on. There's plenty of counter space for you to hold on to, which is good, because you'll need it.

5 Dine and Dash

What is it about cooking that makes the other person want to come up behind and nuzzle the chef's neck? If you want to lean all the way in to this fantasy, try wearing an apron and nothing else. If you, like me, don't really “cook” per se, mixing drinks, unpacking take out containers, etc. definitely counts. If they don't get the idea in about two seconds, bend over the counter and they'll figure it out. Rear-entry positions are A+ for you because they allow you both easy access to stimulate your clit, thank you v. much.

Looking FOR Accessories? Try a spatula, a cucumber, coconut oil, ice cubes, use your imagination….

LET ME SET THE SCENE FOR YOU

He arrives to find you in a coat and heels,

Your kitchen is basically a beginner S&M dungeon waiting to happen. Affix your partner to the fridge handles using plastic wrap around their wrists. Try a smart smack on their butt with a spatula, and slide an ice cube up the inner thigh or down the back. If y'all are brave, yes, you can use chip clips as nipple clamps. Make a pact to never speak of it again next time you open up a bag of Doritos.