5 SEXUAL THINGS EVERY HUSBAND NEEDS FROM HIS WIFE
EVER WONDER JUST WHAT MEN NEED IN BED?
Hey,
I have news for you: Men are often just as insecure about their bodies as women
are. At the gym, we see jacked-up dudes lifting twice the weight that we can.
On the cover of men's magazines, guys with superhuman six-packs promise us
equally ripped abs by summer. Still, although many men worry about their beer
guts, you'll never hear them ask, "Do these pants make me look fat?"
Even if we do have issues, most of us don't want you to know about them. Your
guy, of course, is the exception. So what can you do to boost his body
confidence?
Sex is very, very
important to men. Research consistently shows that between 80 and 90 percent of
men view sex as the most important aspect of their marriage. When asked what
one thing they would like to change in their marriages, they wish that their
wives would be more interested in sex and more willing to initiate physical
intimacy.
Typically when I meet with a couple for marriage
counseling, I ask both the husband and the wife the question, "What would you like to see changed in your
marriage through our time together?" Most of the time, the wife is the
first to respond. She doesn't have to think too hard about the question because
she usually is the one who initiated counseling. Her answer often sounds
something like this: "I hope we
communicate more. I want him to understand my needs. I want to feel closer and
more appreciated by him." She might also include specific requests, such as
help with housework, more involvement in parenting, or a more active role in
spiritual leadership.
Nine times out of 10, the husband's response has
something to do with sex. His request is usually short and straightforward. And
nine times out of 10, the husband gets some kind of disgusted or dismissive
look from his wife. Her body language screams, "You have got to be kidding. That is so superficial!" Sometimes she gives me one of those woman-to-woman
looks that say, "See what I have to
deal with! How are you going to fix this?"
Take a step back from this situation and look at the
facts. The wife has made at least three or four demands on her husband. He
makes only one from her . . . and she dismisses it as petty and superficial. As
a wife I understand the woman's reaction. As a psychologist, I recognize that
her response is illogical. Why is this such a roadblock? If sex is the one
thing that would make the difference for him, the one thing that really makes
him feel loved, why not make it a priority? Why is it so much easier to make
his favorite meal or buy him an elaborate birthday gift than it is to meet his
sexual needs?
A mans sexuality is as much of who he is as any part of his
personality, sexually men are fulfilled with overall satisfaction and sexual
happiness just as much as they are physically satisfied when they eat a meal.
With it they are calm, cool, collective, and a pleasure to be around. Take it
away on the other hand and they will quickly become irritable and on edge,
feeling blue, and overall less like themselves. Sex both as men and women
define in a large portion who we are as individuals, when our main needs are
met life, our marriage, and his mental health is all in balance.
Some months ago we reviewed the “35 Kinds of Sex Every Woman Needsto Have” for us as females to find satisfaction and pleasure in bed sexually.
We as women require a great deal of flavor and variety in the sack and in the
romance department to feel wanted and sexually fulfilled, I mean 35 things,
that’s a lot on a mans plate to address, and yet so often they get the job
done! They know how to romance the woman they love, they know how to seduce
her, they know how to keep her on her toes and guessing, they know how to be
soft, gentle, passionate, and yet at times they know how to shock us, make us
dripping wet by getting aggressive, rough even, they know how to own us and our
minds, they’re great at talking dirty, being creative in bed, they fantasize
about us, they make us feel desire and loved.
Sadly this passion and attention to romantic and sexual needs just
isn’t always reciprocated from us in our wife role, too many of us don’t know
how to be romantic, don’t know how to seduce a man, don’t know how to get rough
and dominant, and don’t know how to get a bit dirty and vocal in meeting his
needs back. The simple truth is men just don’t need as much in bed, rather than
35 things they’re fully happy with an essential list of 5 items. But just
because their list is shorter don’t think you can skip out on even 1 of the 5
if you wish to keep him happy…
So, to be fair to the men we love, here ladies is the five sexual
things every man needs from the wife he loves!
For me as both a sexual therapist, a counsellor, and a married
woman, I can tell you that overall a man needs nothing more than to feel wanted
and desired, THAT’S IT! He wants to know he’s wanted the way he wants you, and
he NEEDS you to build up his confidence by meeting his 5 core needs. When we
put a ring on our finger we know that this ring comes with certain duties and
expectations, whether it be cleaning the home as a housekeeper, baring him children,
or cooking a good meal, you are naturally expected to kick in and contribute. Ladies,
your man has but 1 need, sex with the woman he loves…
Sexually there are 5
expectations in which we are automatically expected to meet, just as he meets
our 35 needs sexually and romantically. Ladies, here are our duties and his key
needs.
5 SEXUAL THINGS EVERY MAN NEEDS FROM HIS WIFE
1: SEDUCE HIM: INITIATE SEXUALLY
Men are visual, they want to see sexy things, they want us to use our imaginations, dress up, find new and thrilling ways or places to be seduced, they want head in random places and at random times, they want us to initiate weekly at minimum to feel needed or wanted.
You don’t necessarily have to jump on him when he walks in the
door (though you should occasionally), but we should be doing things like
grabbing his hand and putting it on our thigh, breast, pussy, etc while
watching t.v. to give him the hint, or perhaps making a suggestive pose as you
see him around the house, or even just a quick dirty talk line, men need to
have the pressure taken off of them sexually. After all, 95% of the romance
department is generally taken care of or initiated by him! He’s going to start
feeling like a beggar quickly if we don’t initiate frequently.
There are so many fun and exciting ways to initiate sex, there's nothing more fun than seeing the look of shock and excitement on a mans face while being surprised sexually. There's a million different ways to seduce a man, a million outfits (or none at all), a million different roleplay costumes, a million different dirty phrases, even a million different poses you could throw his way. Sex is fun, heck, sex is a thrill, but only when you put in the effort to make it so.
2: VISUAL STIMULATION: BE IN THE MOMENT & REACT
Every girl should have that one go to outfit that lets him know he's getting laid tonight (you know, the slutty one), along with 2-3 go to's of his favorite sexy date outfits.
Non-Verbal Communication and stimulation is vital to
a man, not only seeing his beautiful fit wife, but seeing her glammed up,
seeing her move her body in sexual ways, seeing her be sexually expressive with
both her body and facial expressions. Nothing turns on a man more than seeing his girls jaw drop when we see his cock, or when we moan, or scream, or even just give a slutty look as we get screwed.
This perhaps is the easiest of all his 5
needs, all it takes is a bit of time in the hair and make-up department,
perhaps a set of heels, some lingerie even, hey, maybe even a naughty costume?
Maybe try breathe heavy, moan, scream even, flaunt your body, show him sexy
faces, give him the “fuck me face”, or the orgasm face while in the moment.
The most confidence-breaking situation for men is when
a woman isn’t moving or making any noise. It’s as if he’s making love
to a human corpse, and there’s no telling what that does to a guy’s psyche when
he’s worried if she’s alive let alone feeling pleasure. Heavy breathing,
moaning, and pelvic movements are the best non-verbal communicators that your
‘re being satisfied (and breathing). If you don’t feel comfortable saying
anything, at least give the guy signs that indicate that he’s pleasing you.
Please your man in bed with your sexy presence and he will truly enjoy the experience of being in bed
with you. I have a friend called Thelma, she's 34 years old. She used to be
quiet and shy and would never have dreamed of acting sexily. She used to think
that she couldn't act sexily because her upbringing had been quite strict and
sex was never discussed in the home. Then she met Peter and he was able to
offer her the encouragement she needed to feel more sexy.
Thelma says it is
never to late to tap into your inner sexiness so that you too can bring your
sexy side to the forefront when you are in the bedroom. Take the time to learn
some sexy poses, facial expressions, come up with some kinky outfits, and some
fun scenarios where you can shock him in your seduction. You can learn to be a wild and crazy animal, the kind of girl who pounces on her man, being dominant at times, giving and making demands, talking in ways that'd make your mother blush, wearing things that look like a total whore, using moves that are aggressive and shows you're in charge!
3: VERBAL AFFIRMATION & COMMUNICATION: DIRTY TALK
Be vocal. You don’t have to talk dirty or moan like a porn
star, but making it evident that you’re enjoying yourself during sex will let
him know he’s pleasing you. Encourage him during sex, whether it’s by simply
saying “right there” or “yes” or even heavy breathing. If you’re completely
quiet and unmoving, he’ll wonder what you’re thinking, which could make himself
conscious and lead to performance anxiety.
Here's
some simple examples:
“I want you inside me right now!” “I can’t
wait for you to be inside me!”
This is perfect when you’re fooling around with
foreplay: he’s doing his best to tease you, working your entire body, and
delaying the end goal of entering you for as long as possible. Pull his
face close and whisper desperately into his ear how badly you want him inside
you. He’ll think you can’t resist him any longer, which is a huge bode of
confidence right before intercourse.
“I
love your body.” “I like your……”
If this is the first time (or one of the first times)
you’ve seen him naked, he’s going to be vulnerable. If you notice something
about his body that turns you on — his arms, butt, or his body in
general — be vocal about it. Be specific as well, which shows you’ve
taken notice and appreciate him and his assets (you never know how much work
and willpower was needed to get that body to look good naked). Being vocal
early on will help him feel more engaged, comfortable, and confident.
“I
love your dick.” “You’re so big.”
Even if you tell a guy with a dick the size of a baby
mushroom that he’s big (while he probably won’t believe you), he’ll out-fuck
his anatomical limitations. So if you want to get a guy to outperform his size,
give him some complimentary feedback on his little soldier — get your hands on
it, look directly into his eyes and tell him what you think about it (only if
it’s good feedback, of course). When a guy shows you his dick for the first
time he’s like a peasant on his knees begging for change, surrendering himself
to you with every thing he has. And he’s hoping to God you don’t kick him
to the curb.
“You’re
so good at that.” “I’m so wet.” “You really turn me on.”
Chances are if the guy is really turning you on, he’ll
know by your body’s physiological response (yay, wetness!). But if he’s really
doing it for you in that moment, let him know about it. It’s just going to
stroke his ego the perfect amount and help you achieve orgasm (which benefits
you both). And let me tell you from personal experience: when a man
is going down on a girl and she looks down at him through
pleasure-soaked eyes and says, “Wow, you’re so good at that,” a guy suddenly
finds a whole other gear and will make your vagina his.
“You
look so sexy/so hot in that position.”
Let’s face it, a lot of us are insecure about our sex
faces (lights off please!). Or the vulnerable, precarious, and unflattering
positions our bodies maintain during intercourse. So, throwing in the line that
you find him sexy in a particular position helps him stay out of his head and
feel more confident. He’ll let go of his inhibitions, which is when the
most pleasurable and satisfying sex occurs.
“Yes!
Right there!” “Keep doing that.”
Guys need some communication when we’ve found the
right spot. More times than not we’re just blindly swinging in space, so when
you tell us that we’ve hit the right spot, it’s like we’re oil-starved drill
operators who’ve finally stuck oil — at last!
“You
know what I really like…”
This might sound counter-intuitive, but it’s actually
a huge confidence boost when a guy is with a woman who takes control of her
sexual pleasure and instructs him on what she likes. Bedroom communication and
sexual assertion (even slight bossiness) are huge turn-ons for men because
it tells us that you understand your body, which makes it much easier for us to
give you what works best for you.
At the end of the day, what a man needs is to be able to verbally
hear what you want, what you’re feeling, and to hear you describing what is
going on at the moment. Statements such as “I want”, “I love”, “I need”,
request statements, order/demand statements, and even just verbally describing
whats going on at the moment will lead to him feeling you’re there in the
moment with him.
Practice some moans, some whimpers, some screams, practice
your dirty talk alone if you need to even! Text can be just as effective when
it comes to verbally seducing him as well.
4: WORK FOR IT: CONTRIBUTE EQUALLY IN THE SACK
One thing I hear from
married men is a longing for their wife to be more sexually aggressive, a woman
who derives sexual pleasure by giving the man pleasure.
Don't be afraid to
get adventurous. Experiment, get naughty and rowdy and don't be scared to show
your wild side. Most men get frustrated when the woman they're with can only
sit their like a rock for hours and hours without even flinching when he
initiates. Take the lead, for a change. Do the first move --- really! Not only
will it catch your man off guard, he will be incredibly impressed and
definitely turned on. There are something so sexy and hot about women who go
their own way and take matters into their own hands. Sometimes men want to be
led --- they want a "woman on top". Some women just don't know how to be aggressive or what it even means, take a look at our article on the very topic!
Always couple it
with passion. Everything will be boring with
passion. Intensify and enthusiasm always add
spice to anything that we do --- and that's included when we want to be
sexually aggressive with men. Don't do things like a robot or for the sake of
doing it.
What it comes down to is being active in seduction, in reciprocating orally, being physically active during intercourse and foreplay, being vocal, connecting deeply, and showing him that you’re just as passionate, horny, and animalistic as he can be. Be creative, have sex in new places, new positions, wear new shocking outfits, costumes, just plain and simply think like a man and you’ll be sure to please him.
5: PAMPER HIM: ORAL SEX & CUM
"The best sex is
where both partners give and receive, and both partners take control and take a
back seat at different points. I feel like mutual oral sex is a huge part of
that."
As a woman, when
you’re giving him oral if you don’t enjoy giving it as much (or even more than
he loves receiving it) then you’re not doing it right. Learning to love giving
head is the key to giving head… As a counsellor I always tell my patients this, no woman should ever be pressured into doing something sexually she doesent want to, that being said, blowjobs are one of those things that as a wife are just plain and simply not optional if you want to keep him happy. Weekly blowjobs at minimum is the key to a happy marriage, its just one of those things that is our duty, and as a woman I love doing it, almost more than him! It makes me feel as if i'm in control, that i'm the one giving all the pleasure, that he's my prisoner to tease and torture, until he cant take it anymore. Women love the feeling of a hard cock growing harder and throbbing in our mouth, its pure passion and dedication to the man we love.
As women our mothers have programed us to treat blow
jobs in one of two ways: 1) something you only do with your husband or 2)
something true ladies don’t do at all. These days, however, many 20-somethings
not only go downtown, but they also find it sexually
gratifying.
Now a days giving a man head is less about degrading
and minimizing a woman’s position (no pun intended) in the bedroom. Instead of
millennials feeling ashamed and “dirty” about going downtown, it
makes them feel like rockstars sexually.
One 21-year-old shared that
giving blow jobs emboldens her.
“When
I’m going down on my guy, and I can see how much he is enjoying what I’m doing
and how good I am making him feel, it helps me feel more confident about doing
other things in the bedroom.”
Another finds that giving a BJ builds intimacy.
- Your facial expressions turn us on. We don’t mean to be degrading when we grab or play with your hair. Often we just want to remove your hair (if not in a bun or ponytail) from your face so we can see your facial expressions because it’s such a turn on.
- Finishing in your mouth is the best. Thing. EVER. Even better than finishing during sex (as if you didn’t know that already). While it’s rare that a blow job will actually be completed all the way to ejaculation, when it does happen, there’s simply no better feeling for a guy. Besides, there’s no mess for us to clean up.
Every woman knows that coming inside a woman’s mouth is one of the biggest fantasies of nearly every man, not for the porn aspect, but the connection. If she is really into you she wants to keep you she'll put in the effort to make your orgasm complete and be the wife he needs. All it takes is practice, build up to it slowly! One time let him cum on your chest, get used to the feel, the look, maybe even secretly in the restroom lick a tiny drop just to ease your mind. Next time maybe let him cum on your chin, or even lick a drop or two after the orgasm over. The point is don’t let it freak us out, build up to it slowly, it’s amazing how easy it is once you actually commit to it. In fact, you’ll likely insist on him Cumming there from now on ;)
As a wife you have no business not swallowing, he after all does so to you, does he not? For more helpful hints on reducing the fear try looking here, or even here!
OUR EXPECTATION AS HIS WIFE
The secret’s out: men can be just as insecure and self-conscious
as women in the bedroom. Even if we know (or think we know) exactly what
they’re doing, their egos stem from their apparent sexual value to a woman, so
they desperately need reassurance that what you’re doing is working for him.
They rely heavily on communication in the bedroom that shows (non-verbal) or
tells (verbal) them that we’re feeling pleasure and enjoying ourselves, and in
turn, helping them feel sexually competent, desired, and wanted.
For more tips on expanded ideas on how to keep a man happy in bed please feel free to visit a renowned couples sex site at:
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As a woman, when you put on that ring, you are expected to fulfill these basic 5 needs, Initiate with him, be vocal with him, be visual for him, be aggressive for him, and blow & swallow him. This is what you signed up for when you put a ring n your finger, your man expects nothing less...
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