50 DAYS TO LEARNING TO LOVE SEX

Married Sex — Making Lust Last

Great sex is highly correlated with understanding your partner. For women, the more secure and comfortable they are with their partner, the more unconventional and open to new things they will be. This affects their partner and is what makes their partner love sex with them. Men’s need for visual variety is much higher than women’s.

Love is constant; passion needs recharging
No surprise: Everything in the universe eventually demagnetizes when left in proximity to something of the opposite charge. Magnets do, and men and women do too. Some people fall out of lust in seven days, never mind seven years or 17. Basic animal attraction is a force of nature that seems designed to make us mate or not mate for life. Relaxing in our marriages and freeing ourselves from the pressure of trying to impress our partners has a predictable outcome: Our partners are not impressed. The magnetic spell we once cast on them begins to lift.

Offer up an emotionally safe way to explore each other's fantasies.

The walls separating husbands and wives romantically do not dissolve spontaneously. They have to be dismantled piece by piece. You can start by inviting your husband to slowly reveal aspects of his sexuality. I recommend my patients say something relatively nonthreatening, like, "I had the craziest thought. Why don't you tell me something you think would really surprise me about what you wish we could do in bed? Then I promise to tell you something I think would surprise you." Putting it that way assures the other person that you anticipate being taken aback, and welcome it. And that means your husband doesn't automatically have to edit out the most erotic parts of his fantasy. If saying anything out loud is just too embarrassing for you, try putting a block of Post-its in an envelope for him with a note that says, Leave a fantasy under my pillow, and I'll wake you up in the middle of the night.

To make sex less intimidating, turn it into a game.

Ask your partner to tell you three of his fantasies, and you get to choose one to act out. Then it's his turn, you tell him three of yours, and he selects one. If he wants to pick two from your list, and you take him up on that offer, he also gets one of the two remaining fantasies on his list. Bargaining builds romantic tension. Being playful will be a welcome reminder of how energized the two of you once were and could be again. As an alternative, you could simply say, "I know you haven't told me everything you like in bed, even though we've been together for years. So give it up: What have you been dying to do?"

Provide examples. 

In order for your spouse to believe that you want to hear his real fantasies, you'll have to prove it by giving a believable example. Otherwise, he'll think you expect him to say something nice about you falling asleep in his arms. Try something like this: "You know, whatever really excites you — being tied up, pretending I'm someone else, you name it."

Give real-life routine a rest. 

Monotony (not to be confused with monogamy) is the enemy of passion. In order to see your mate as the prince, and for him to see you as the princess, it helps to set the stage and put on the right costume. Tell him to meet you at a restaurant for a date. Dress to impress each other. Then surprise him with a key to a motel room or a secluded beach cottage — no packing allowed. Even if an overnight isn't possible, you can alter your look to be "new" for your partner. A different style of clothing or different hairstyle or even a tiny tattoo on your ankle might trigger new feelings in him. Being "different" for him in bed doesn't mean he won't love you for everything you've always been outside the bedroom. But part of him (you know which part) wants to believe he just met you. And there's nothing wrong with your wanting to meet him for the first time too. Feel free to suggest that a beard or more closely cropped hair might look cool on him for a while.

WITH THIS CHALLENGE YOU WILL LEARN HOW TO HAVE MORE MEANINGFUL SEX BY:

#1... Put it on the calendar!!!

Marital sex doesn't happen by accident, it requires work, planning, attention to detail, sure there should be random times when we get things going by itself, but as parents if you don't plan days when you plan to have sex usually it just wont happen.

Energy & enthusiasm are the heart & core of a healthy sex life

Love and sex are like the roots that feed the tree. To keep that vital energy going, and the sap rising, you need to provide something new and interesting. Seduction can be as simple as causing your partner to ask what you’ve been doing that has you so energized and interested. When you’re enthusiastic, you’re seductive — it’s the most attractive we can be.

Unselfconscious sex is better sex

After you've been together for a while, your partner has learned all your weird quirks, witnessed your ugly crying face, and seen you naked more times than you can count. And guess what? They still want to have sex with you. Which means you get to stop worrying and embrace your confidence. It’s pretty common to fear judgment or rejection in the early stages of a relationship. But as your emotional connection deepens, so does the opportunity for honesty and exploration.

Fantasies are meant for sharing

Being open and direct with your long-term partner doesn’t just nix awkwardness; it uncovers a whole new realm of sexual satisfaction. It often takes couples a long time to be truly honest with each other when it comes to fantasies and fetishes. “They might be excited about something internally, but have a hard time sharing with their partner. With time brings comfort and the confidence to tell your partner about the deep dark desires you’ve been hiding from the world—like your dream to have a threesome or get it on in a public place. After all, your boo's there to love you, not judge you.

Practice makes perfect

Sure, the sex may have felt exciting and magical when you were first hooking up. But, reality check: it takes time to learn just what makes another person tick. “You get to know someone’s body in a very different way over time,”. So while a new beau may be able to get you going, only a long-term love can create a roadmap of every spot that makes your toes curl.

Communicate, communicate, communicate

With a new partner, it can be tough to explain exactly what you crave sexually. “I don’t know where the idea started that talking about sex ruins it,”. “Because it’s truly the number one thing that will open up a relationship in general, and especially with sex.” In fact, according to the Archives of Sexual Behavior study about long-term relationships, communication was one factor that had a positive influence on sexual satisfaction with the couples. Learning to discuss your desires is anything but unsexy, and having an honest conversation about what's working and what could use some improvement is totally empowering—and leads to even better sex.

Great sex goes beyond the bedroom

Many great artists were inspired by a muse who, more often than not, was also a lover. That's not surprising because a strong sexual connection can impact much more than your time between the sheets. “It starts with that core sexual energy and how we choose to direct it and use it, “We feel more alive, we’re more productive, we have more energy, and we feel healthier. I’ve watched it in so many people in my career. When you wake that part up, you wake up other amazing things.”

You've got to be open to learn new things

There's one trait that keeps sexual excitement alive more than anything else: Curiosity. We have to stay curious about our partners and not think ‘oh I know them so well I can finish their sentences. Remember that sexuality is a lifelong growth process, and just like your mind changes over time, so does your body. It’s only when people stop exploring, expanding, and growing their sexuality that they get bored and stop having sex. Instead of just mindlessly going through the motions when you hit the bedroom, successful couples keep bringing new energy. “Sexuality is not meant to go on autopilot. It’s far more dynamic than that.”

Types of sex we can learn to have:

Quickies: These are ways you have sex when you don’t really have time for a full, leisurely romantic evening: One of you giving oral sex before you leave for work, petting to climax in the car at a drive-in movie, using vibrators to have orgasms without a lot of foreplay late at night, taking a nap and having a “quickie” before rushing off to a party.

Sneaky Sex: This has the added excitement of “forbidden fruit” — having silent sex behind locked doors while the children are watching TV, sneaking lovemaking in your childhood bedroom while visiting your parents, visiting your partner at work and having quickie sex on the couch in a locked office.

Romantic Sex: This is the full-blown variety: candlelight, dinner, quiet talking, dressing up, perhaps a lovely hotel room, or a romantic dinner for two when you have time alone at home. Especially good for anniversaries, Valentine’s Day, or anytime your relationship needs a boost.

New Couple Sex: Recreate a scene from your dating days, as closely as possible — the time you met at church and couldn’t wait to get home and make love, the flowers you used to bring home as a surprise, or saying all the silly, wildly in-love things you said then.

Making-up Sex: After you’ve had an argument or a struggle, and forgiven each other, lovemaking can be extra tender and memorable.
Comforting Sex: When one of you is sad or stressed, the other is especially caring and soothing, doing all your favorite things to comfort and relax you.
Relaxing Sex: This is the kind to do on a weekend morning, when you have no obligations, and can laze around, have breakfast in bed, and make love for as long as you want; no pressure, no hurry and no demands on each other.

Reassuring Sex This is affection and intimacy intended to reassure a partner who is temporarily insecure, or designed to reaffirm your mutual love and commitment to each other. It is often accompanied by many verbal declarations of love and explaining again why you are so important to each other.

Fantasy Sex: Act out all the silly, forbidden or exciting fantasies — nurse and patient, two little children “playing house”, master or dominatrix and slave, stripper and customer, extraterrestrial alien and abductee, famous movie star and adoring fan, your two favorite characters from a soap opera, novel or movie, or anything else you can imagine. This is a great time for costumes, masks, sexual toys, leather outfits, or whatever enhancements you enjoy.

So many women write to us asking things like "I love your advice about increasing my sex drive, and bettering my skills in bed, but I cant figure out how to approach doing them without feeling awkward! how can I bring it up with my spouse so I can apply the things I've learned?"

So to help with these questions we've tied together our blog with a 50 day sex challenge, and without further adieu, here's our marriage challenge to you,

50 DAYS TO BETTER SEX & A HAPPIER MARRIAGE

RULES: Every day for 50 days as a couple you should take time to make sex a priority during your day, should some emergency arise where you cant complete a task you should then add that day back towards the end of your challenge so that all 50 days are experienced. Sexual activities planned have great variation and will help both men and women feel more comfortable in the bedroom, with themselves, and with their spouse.

SEDUCTION RULES: Spouses will take turns every other night being the one to seduce each other, make plans to seduce your partner based around the theme of the day, make it exciting, unexpected, over the top even.

Day 1

Missionary Positions (He takes the lead, refer to blog sex position options)
GOAL=Just do it to get things started, practice new thrusting techniques/angles

Day 2 

Cow Girl Riding Positions (She takes the lead, refer to blog sex positions)
GOAL= Just do it to get things started, practice new grinding, bouncing, and thrusting techniques

Day 3

Doggy Style Positions (He takes the lead, refer to sex position blog)
GOAL=Focus on thrusting from new angles or rythems

Day 4

Reverse Cow Girl Positions (She takes the lead, refer to sex position guide)
GOAL=Focus on new thrusting, rhythm, bouncing techniques

Day 5

Slow Romantic Sex (He takes the lead, Sex should be soft, sensual, romantic, talk romantically, focus on  learning to give her pleasure)
GOAL=Learning to slow it down, connect deeper, kiss more, embrace more, hold hands more, fall in love more, orgasm slower

Day 6

Fast hard sweaty sex (She takes the lead, sex should be fast paced, forceful, loud, use dirty talk, pin each other to the bed, focus on dominating him & aggressively learning to take control in bed)
GOAL=Learning to let go, get sweaty, get loud, learn its ok to moan, angles that allow it hard and fast, learning to be more assertive and aggressive in bed, learning to dominate him

Day 7

Oral Sex For Her (No penetration tonight, he takes the lead and goes down on her for 45 minutes orally, with fingering, kissing thighs, legs, stomach, hips, focus on her pleasure, after 30 minutes have her give you instructions on how to go down on her, what looks sexiest, and what feels best)
GOAL=Removing selfishness & learning to love giving orally, learning new techniques, learning how she enjoys it most and doing it without being asked

Day 8

Oral Sex For Him (No penetration tonight, she takes the lead and goes down on him for 45 minutes orally, with mixed hand-job, kissing thighs, legs, stomach, hips, focus on his pleasure, after 30 minutes have him give you instructions on how to go down on him, what looks sexiest, & what feels best)
GOAL=Removing selfishness & learning to love giving orally, learning new techniques, learning how he enjoys it most and doing it without being asked

Day 9

Lap Dance /Strip Tease Night (He takes the lead, prepare your bedroom for a strip club style strip tease and bed/chair lap dance, after 10 minutes switch and have her change into something sexy as well and have her spend 10 minutes on you doing the same. No penetration tonight, instead dry hump each other to orgasm like you did when you dated)
http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-a-Striptease
http://www.wikihow.com/Perform-a-Lap-Dance-for-Your-Boyfriend-or-Husband
http://www.wikihow.com/Give-a-Lap-Dance
GOAL=Learning to let go of shyness, that its ok to look silly at times, learning to use body and body language to seduce or turn on our spouse, learning importance of having a fit body to be proud of

Day 10

Sex Toy Night (Make sure you both have a sex toy, He takes the lead and gets her off multiple times in different positions, once she cant take it anymore she should finish him off with a toy as well)
GOAL=Learning to use tools, games, toys, to enhance each others sexual experience

Day 11

Sex Position Night (She takes the lead with trying 3 new sex positions, refer to blog or elsewhere)

GOAL= Learning pleasure in new positions that feel better or look hotter

Day 12

Sex Position Night (He takes the lead with trying 3 new sex positions, refer to blog or elsewhere)
GOAL= Learning pleasure in new positions that feel better or look hotter

Day 13

talk about sex day: discuss progress, how to help each other open up more
GOAL=Learning likes and dislikes, overcoming dislikes, improving libido, asking for what we want in bed, telling fantasies, sexual bucket list ideas, etc.

Day 14

Bondage For Him (She takes the lead, tie him up in no less than 3 different places, 1-standing, 2-laying down, 3-sitting, tonight is purely about his pleasure, tease him, torture him, practice dirty talk, make him beg for every last thing, tell him what your about to do to him then torture him buy teasing it slowly, use tools, food, ice, feathers, this is your night to display your newly found confidence and willingness to please him, bring him to orgasm by wither riding him or orally)
GOAL=Learning to pleasure him, surprise him, tease him, stimulate him physically, mentally, vocally, orally, feeling confident giving pleasure, learning to be less selfish and focus on giving instead of receiving

Day 15

Bondage For Her(He takes the lead, tie her up in no less than 3 different places, 1-standing, 2-laying down, 3-sitting, tonight is purely about her pleasure, tease her, torture her, practice dirty talk, make her beg for every last thing, tell her what your about to do to her then torture her buy teasing it slowly, use tools, food, ice, feathers, this is your night to display your newly found confidence and willingness to please her, bring her to orgasm by either penetration, toys, or orally, or all 3)
GOAL=Learning to pleasure her, surprise her, tease her, stimulate her physically, mentally, vocally, orally, feeling confident giving pleasure, learning to be less selfish and focus on giving instead of receiving


Day 16

Standing Sex (He takes the lead, have sex anywhere but the bedroom, find new ways to make standing sex fun for her)
GOAL=Learning to have sex standing so that you can get it on in more situations not in bed or at home

Day 17

Shower Sex (She takes the lead, Have sex in the shower until you both have orgasm'd)

GOAL=Using sexual touch better in water, kissing better, enjoying new situations
Day 18

Try 3 New Sex Positions (He takes the lead and tries 3 new positions)
GOAL=Learning to love new positions

Day 19

Try 3 New Sex Positions (She takes the lead and tries 3 new positions)
GOAL=Learning to love new positions

Day 20

Talk about fantasies, during sex, why you enjoy missionary, doggy, riding, oral, roleplay, dirty talk phrases, sexting, sharing partner, etc (He takes the lead, lead her in a discussion about opening up and discussing each others sexual likes and fantasies
GOAL=Getting to know partners kinks and how we can put them into action in bed

Day 21

Flirtatious night (She Takes the lead, go out to dinner just the two of you, have him wear a tight fitting shirt, jeans, She should show lots of cleavage, wear no panties, wear a skirt, flash him in public or in the car, stroke each other in car, dirty talk in public, build up anticipation to screw when you get home)
GOAL=Learning to be sexual outside of the bedroom, Learning to flirt and seduce in public, learning how to tease each other secretively, learning to build anticipation

Day 22

Sex Position Night (He takes the lead, try 3 new positions)
GOAL=Learning to enjoy new positions

Day 23

Sex Position Night (She takes the lead, try 3 new positions)
GOAL=Learning to love new positions


Day 24
Squirting (He takes the lead, Help her explore her body and try to squirt)
GOAL=Learning to be comfortable with her body and helping her experience new sensations

Day 25

Cum Facial (She takes the lead, if this is her first time ever having cum near her face take a shower together and give yourself a small cum facial on your chin, rub it around to get comfortable with it.
GOAL=Learning to embrace his orgasm more, Learning that cum is nothing to be afraid of, Getting used to look, feel, texture, even taste on your lips if you're feeling bold.

Day 26

Car sex (He takes the lead, pull your car into the driveway and have sex in the dark being careful nobody see's, consider putting a towel in the back window to guarantee nobody see's you)
GOAL=Learning to be sexual outside of the home, exploring joy of youthful sex, opening up to being sexual


Day 27

Kitchen Counter/Table (She takes the lead, seduce him in the kitchen and have him take you on the counter or table)
GOAL=Learning to have fun randomly in new places, how to use food during sex

Day 28

Teach Her How To Spoil You (He takes the lead, Teach her, instruct her how to please you in every sexual way, foreplay, penetration, oral, sexy seductive moves, etc)
GOAL=Learning to be 100% honest in communicating and teaching spouse how to please them thoroughly in every way. This is an educational night, teacher say, student do kind of thing

Day 29

Teach Him How To Spoil You (She takes the lead, Teach him, instruct him how to please you in every sexual way, foreplay, penetration, oral, sexy seductive moves, etc)
GOAL=Learning to be 100% honest in communicating and teaching spouse how to please them thoroughly in every way. This is an educational night, teacher say, student do kind of thing

Day 30

Shower Oral Sex (He takes the lead, take turns going down on each other in the bathroom and or shower)
GOAL=Using limited time away from kids to quickly surprise and pleasure spouse.

Day 31

Porn Stars Night (She takes the lead, Put on your sluttiest possible outfit and have sex as if you were both staring in a porn movie together, moan, dirty talk, act, seduce, tease, and screw like porn stars, she should ride him and bounce hard, he should take her aggressively, you should both be over the top enthusiastic to give oral, as well as love each others cum, put on a show to show each other how much you love what is happening at every moment)
GOAL=Learning to perform more, do things without being asked, becoming a vocal moaner, learning to seduce, tease, learning to be enthusiastic, aggressive, dominant, submissive, applying dirty talk, embracing each others orgasm

Day 32

Couples Photo Shoot (He takes the lead, gain confidence in self and bodies by swapping taking photos of each other with your partners phone, dress each other up in lingerie or in the nude and take erotic pictures of each other, 40 picture minimum each, you may delete them afterwards or let your spouse keep them safely)
GOAL=Learning to feel confident naked, learning body strengths, weaknesses, seductive poses to apply in bedroom seduction, how sexting pictures can arouse each other.

Day 33

Sexting Day (She takes the lead, spend the entire day sexting each other throughout the day, start simple, get hardcore by afternoon, have a few lingerie or nudie pic's ready to send each other throughout the day, To end the day you can either have sex or masturbate together)
http://www.wikihow.com/Send-Dirty-Texts
GOAL=Learning to feel comfortable flirting, seducing, talking dirty, and sending naughty pictures, and  how it increases anticipation/horniness for later that night


Day 34
Give Her 3 Different Types of Ograsms (He takes the lead, use the 13 orgasms blog to give her 3 different types of pleasure using either your penis or a toy)
GOAL=Learning to focus on her pleasure and how to hit the right spots to please her


Day 35

Give Him 2 orgasms (She takes the lead, bring him to orgasm on your knees onto your breasts, then before bed bring him to orgasm again using only your hands, tongue, lips, mouth, and dirty talk
GOAL=Learning to be less selfish in bed, learning how to pleasure him in new ways that are visually sexy to him

Day 36

Role-play for her: handyman (He takes the lead in a role-play scenario where a handyman comes to fix a broken kitchen pipe, she should be in her towel or otherwise revealing skirt with no underwear and lots of cleavage, he then seduces the lonely housewife whose husband is out of town)
GOAL=Learning how to fantasize and make marital sex fun again, pretending can increase desire and keep sex exciting and new

Day 37

Role-play for him: secretary (She takes the lead in a role-play scenario where the tired boss has to stay late at night, she comes in to see if she can "help relieve some stress", both should be wearing business attire)
GOAL=Learning how to fantasize and make marital sex fun again, pretending can increase desire and keep sex exciting and new

Day 38

Improvement Night (He takes the lead/sets the theme, record yourselves having sex, both of you on your own watch the video to examine yourself and see if there are things you can improve on)
GOAL=Learning from watching ourselves, seeing things partner loved, things that didn't work, things that look awkward, things that need imporvement

Day 39

Lingerie Show Night (She takes the lead and gives him a minimum of 10 outfits to model, let him take a few pictures in each so you can evaluate yourself, He then puts on 10 and does the same for her)
GOAL=Learning which outfits our spouse loves, and how to use them in seduction

Day 40

Dirty Sex (He takes the lead, he should be dominant, she should be submissive, be a dirty girl for him, and a bad boy for her, spank, pull hair, scratch, bounce, grind, make it hot and heavy)

GOAL=Learning to feel comfortable with "dirty sex", how to follow commands, how to get rough and enjoy it, how to touch, sound, how to ask for things like spanking, hair pulling, etc.

Day 41

Breast Sex & Vibrator Night (She takes the lead, give him Breast sex until he orgasms, then sit on his face while he sucks you to orgasm all while using a vibrator on your clit for double pleasure)
GOAL=Learning how to use your breasts to stimulate him and yourself, and how to have intense O's

Day 42
Sex position night (He takes the lead, try 3 new positions)
GOAL=Learning to love new positions

Day 43

Dirty talk lessons (stage 1, 2, and 3) (She takes the lead, she and he both work on dirty talk phrases, get naked and just go down the list and whisper or speak dirty talk phrases you like to say, and have them repeat a phrase you'd love to hear more often, do this as you toy each other, finish by giving oral to each other in the 69 position)
http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-Dirty-in-Bed
http://www.wikihow.com/Talk-Dirty
GOAL=Learning to be ok with saying dirty phrases or words in the appropriate place and setting

Day 44

Aggressive/enthusiastic night(He takes the lead,go above and beyond to show how much you love sex with your lover, smile, love giving oral, moan, kiss passionately, etc)

GOAL=Learning to take the lead and show her a good time by doing all the work and being enthusiastic about all you do

Day 45

Aggressive/enthusiastic night(She takes the Lead, go above and beyond to show how much you love sex with your lover, smile, love giving oral, moan, kiss passionately, etc)
GOAL=Learning to take the lead and show him a good time by doing all the work and being enthusiastic about all you do

Day 46
Student Teacher Role-play (He takes the lead, Set up a student teacher scenario in a room with a desk/chair, she has failed a test and needs to be punished/ do some extra work to improve her grade)
GOAL=Learning to be seductive and playful as a couple sexually

Day 47

Cum (She takes the lead, Have sex in the shower, when he's about to cum stroke him and make some of his cum land on your tongue to get used to it, let it drip off and spit out, alternately he can cum and you can lick it onto your tongue slowly to ease into it)
GOAL=Learning to slowly become comfortable with his cum in simple ways

Day 48

Let her Orgasm & Squirt on your face (He takes the lead, help her get off and squirt on your face)
GOAL=Learning to embrace her orgasm fully and love it

Day 49

Cum part 2 (She takes the lead, give him a passionate and erotic blowjob while you stimulate your clit, When he is ready to cum stick out your tongue and swallow it all)
GOAL=Learning to love his cum and give him full body orgasms

DONT DO THIS...

Day 50

Lazy Weekend, go 5-7 days without sex to be prepared for this one, (He takes the lead, make sure you've got the house to yourselves for the day, start at 9 am and have sex no less than 6 times, taking breaks in between to snack, order pizza, cuddle, watch tv, have desert, and just Netflix and chill, use techniques you've both learned in the past 50 days to have the greatest sexual day of your lives)

GOAL=Learning sex should be more than just  "one and done" and we should be having more meaningful sex in marriage, and that as we make it more of a priority we can come closer as a couple.