HOW BODY WEIGHT CAN INCREASE OR KILL OUR SEX DRIVES

IS IT OK TO LET OURSELVES GO WHEN WE FINALLY FIND OUR TRUE LOVE & GET MARRIED?

For many men and women marriage is the pinnacle of their lives, the crowning achievement they've always worked towards, the super bowl of life so to speak. So why is it so many men and women choose to "retire" or "give up on themselves" once they've finally won the big game? Generally this issue affects women more than men, but we speak to both Husband and Wife today. Think back to your wedding day, all the years of hard work you'd put in, the dating, the taking care of your body to attract your spouse, the time and effort taken to make it to the super bowl of life, then it happens, you tie the knot and win the big game! So many women and some men see this achievement as a hall pass to stop trying, to quit maintaining their health and body weight which was so vital to falling in love in the first place. Will my spouse still love me if I gain 20+ pounds? of course they will! but will they still find you attractive? Unfortunately usually no... The sad truth of the matter is that when most women gain weight and ask their partner if they are fat their husband will say no, out of fear and worry she will feel sad or angry.

A SPOUSE THAT GIVES UP ON KEEPING THEIR BODY WEIGHT DOWN HAS PARTIALLY GIVEN UP ON THEIR MARRIAGE... THEY DONT FEEL ATTRACTION IS IMPORTANT, THEY DONT UNDERSTAND THEY WILL LOSE THEIR SEXUAL DESIRE, CONNECTION, AND RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR SPOUSE, THEY DONT REALIZE THEY ARE PUTTING THEIR LIFE IN DANGER OF DISEASE AND LONG TERM HEALTH RISKS. A SPOUSE WHO GIVES UP ON STAYING FIT HAS QUIT ON HIS OR HER PARTNER, QUIT!!! ITS THE ULTIMATE INSULT TO THEIR SPOUSE AND THEMSELVES, THEY ARE DEPRIVING EACH OTHER OF SO MANY VITAL MARRITAL ELEMENTS THAT THE MARRIAGE MAY VERY WELL END IN THE FUTURE IF CHANGES DONT START TO HAPPEN...



ITS TIME WE AS MARRIED SPOUSES ARE REAL AND STRAIGHTFORWARD WITH EACHOTHER... "do I look fat?" yes, yes you do... Study's by oxford university involving married couples, the associated weights of the couples, and their sex drives, show that 70-80 % of sexless marriages are caused by one or both partners being drastically overweight, thus causing one of the spouses to lose attraction, or the overweight person losing confidence in themselves and hating being seen naked. IS IT EVER OK TO GO DAYS, WEEKS, MONTHS, OR EVEN YEARS WITHOUT SEX, BECAUSE WE DESPISE OUR OWN BODIES? IN SHORT... NO!!!

WHILE I CAN HONESTLY SAY I LOVE MY SPOUSE WITH ALL MY HEART, WHETHER HE IS 200 pounds, or 400 pounds, we do as couples lose attraction to each other when weight takes over our bodies, that doesn't mean we love them less, it simply means we don't have that same passion and craving to embrace them and connect with them. IS THIS NOT A PROBLEM??

Over the past few months we've received quite a few emails from our followers about our overall health and well being, one of the main questions we've received has been about how to stay fit for each other and for yourself. So we wanted to take some time to discus our health and well being.


Before we begin, lets list some of the benefits we've noticed from living a healthy lifestyle.

1. Overall happiness and mental stability.
2. ENERGY! the more we lost the more energy we have had.
3. Self confidence/Self esteem boost.
4. Attracted more to your spouse.
5. Ability to wear attractive/enjoyable clothing.
6. Better sex! sex positions are easier, we aren't as shy or hesitant.
7. Stronger muscles to last longer during sex and contort to more pleasurable positions.
8. Orgasms became more intense.
9. Lowered weight increases blood flow (which then flows better to our private parts) which makes you horny.
10. We sleep better even given limited sleep time.
11. Erections become harder for Brett.
12. Less med's were needed for our overall health.

We mentioned a few times in some previous posts that our weight over the past decade had become a habitual issue that had formed a wedge between us sexually. Both of us over time had neglected our health and our appearance, me gaining an extra 65 pounds since marriage, and Brett roughly 30 or so. Sadly this weight gain affected us more than we realized, both feeling embarrassed about our overall appearance, both unhappy about how we looked in our clothing, how we felt about ourselves in terms of self confidence, both feeling inadequate to be naked in front of the other. Thus we both gave up sex almost entirely, we had lost the lust for each other, becoming unrecognizable and careless about how we looked.

At a near breaking point in our marriage without ever even talking to each other we both realized for ourselves that we had let ourselves go beyond what any married person ever should, something had to change. There have also been times in our relationship when Brett was fit and hot as hell while I was fat and plumpy, while I know he still loved me it drastically killed our affection for each other, and constantly felt he was ashamed to be so beautiful yet be married to a fat slob like I was :( Let's face it, when one spouse is fit and the other is overweight it can create a deadly wedge in every marriage, resentment, anger, sadness, confusion, all begin to take hold over the spouse who is putting in effort to stay fit and attractive for their spouse, while the other is too lazy and careless to recognize how badly they are harming their relationship.

Quickly I took some time to research weight loss techniques, and how weight loss can improve how we feel about ourselves and our intimacy level with our partner. To my shock the benefits of better health were astonishing, as couples reported their weight loss had: Brought back attraction and lust into the marriage, self esteem and confidence had risen, Energy had increased even while doing intense workouts, people felt comfortable in their own skin, sex felt better and was easier to do certain positions, orgasms were more enjoyable and intense due to better blood flow to the pelvis region, erection quality increased, horniness skyrocketed, sex lasted longer, couples slept better (even when sleeping less hours so they could get a workout in), medications previously required became unnecessary.

Honestly, this list sounds too good to be true... But as god as my witness every last thing listed here happened to us! Lust and romance returned, self confidence increased, sex became more frequent and better, energy was through the roof, life just plain and simply became great again. BEING OVERWEIGHT SHOULD NEVER BE THE REASON A MARRIAGE OR SEX DRIVE DIES, A SPOUSE UNWILLING TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR BODY & WHO LOSES INTEREST IN SEX IS ESSENTIALLY SAYING "I DON'T CARE ABOUT US, I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU, I DONT CARE ENOUGH ABOUT MYSELF TO MAKE AN EFFORT TO STAY FIT, SO THAT ROMANCE AND LOVE CAN TAKE HOLD IN OUR MARRIAGE..." NEVER LET WEIGHT BE THE DETERMINING FACTOR IN YOUR MARRIAGES FAILURE.

Now as a couple we both had our own techniques that worked best for us to lose the weight quickly, but each and every person is different, and needs to tailor their health to their individual needs. Brett used a combination of "P-90X" program and daily cardio/eating better to get back in shape, for myself I tried a few different programs and ultimately mixed them up to meet my needs, I used weight watchers, jenny craig, and beachbody to get back in shape, each had its own perks, but beach body seemed to be the biggest helper as it showed me how to eat healthier, less food, and exercise more regularly.

If you and your spouse are struggling with weight we'd honestly encourage you to examine your health and well being, and evaluate if your happy with the way you look and feel, far too often this is an underlying cause of lack of sexual desire and overall self esteem/confidence.
Brett and I both easily weighed over 230 pounds at one point, one day we just came to the conclusion it had to change, we now feel as sexy and fit as ever! it took 3-4 months to drop the 40 pounds for him, and 5 months for my 60, but I am so grateful I did and will never go back to our old lazy ways.


We did it by 1. Eating healthy 2. Regular daily cardio 5 days a week 3. Going for a jog or run once a week on the weekend, 4. Once a week weightlifting workouts. To this day we stick to that routine.

research has shown that a woman's sex drive is strongly linked to body confidence — specifically her perception of the areas of her body that can be easily seen by others (think stomach and thighs) — rather than her BMI. In one study, women were asked to compare six of their body parts to those of models in 20 different photographs. Then the women watched an erotic film while hooked up to a monitor that measured their vaginal blood flow. "The women felt turned on, but physically they experienced a significant decrease in sexual response to the film," says lead author Yasisca Pujols Khouri, a doctor

This Is How Yoga Saved My Sex Life

And then, about 8 months before my wedding, I made yoga a regular part of my routine (who doesn’t want those yoga arms?). And I can’t thank the yogi gods enough because it’s something that has fundamentally changed my sex life for the better (the new muscles don’t hurt either).
Let me start by saying, before last year, I have never been known to work out regularly. I would go through these work out bursts that lasted several months, and then just like that, the second I caught a bad cold or went on vacation for a week, the burst was over. Sometimes I felt guilty, a especially when friends talked about a new spin or pilates class they were “obsessed with.” However, it was too easy for me to shake that guilt off and happily go about my exercise-free life.



And then, about 8 months before my wedding, I made yoga a regular part of my routine (who doesn’t want those yoga arms?). And I can’t thank the yogi gods enough because it’s something that has fundamentally changed my sex life for the better (the new muscles don’t hurt either).
Let me start by saying, before last year, I have never been known to work out regularly. I would go through these work out bursts that lasted several months, and then just like that, the second I caught a bad cold or went on vacation for a week, the burst was over. Sometimes I felt guilty, a especially when friends talked about a new spin or pilates class they were “obsessed with.” However, it was too easy for me to shake that guilt off and happily go about my exercise-free life.



Whether I want to admit this or not, the lack of exercise did have an impact on my sex life. More nights per week than not, I was too tired to get aroused. The actual act didn’t last as long as it used to, I no longer enjoyed being on top, and there were many times I couldn’t achieve an orgasm.
Here’s where yoga comes in.

The first month was tough. It seemed like there was no relief to sore muscles, and I would immediately fall asleep after coming home from an evening class. But then, after the initial wall broke down, the yoga got easier. I could do poses I never dreamed of doing, and my alignment got better. New muscles that I never had started popping up (hello yoga arms!). There were also non-physiological benefits—I became calmer, handled anxious situations better, and learned how to easily detach from a tough work day.



And then, there is the sex. God, it’s good. It’s back to the level it was in college. Here are some of the ways it’s changed for the better:

1. The arousal is back and orgasms are way stronger. I can’t fall asleep with him next to me without jumping his bones. It’s like an insatiable feeling that won’t go away unless we have sex. And orgasms are easy to come by (pun absolutely intended).

2. I’m SO flexible. The flexibility of my new muscles allows for way bendier poses (think about what you can do in bed when you can bend down far enough to not only touch your toes, but also loop your arms around the backs of your legs).

3. Better stamina. Want to go longer than half an hour? Yes, please! Want me to be on top for all of it? No problem! Not only can my muscles go for longer, but I’ve learned how to use my breath so I don’t run out of it during high intensity moments.

4. High energy. Even if it’s 12am on a work night, once arousal hits, I am wide awake and ready to go.

It seems too good to be true, doesn’t it? I thought so too. It wasn’t until the holiday season that I connected our newly improved sex life with yoga. After our wedding, we took a 2 week long honeymoon, and then a week later we went to our families’ homes for the holidays. It was roughly a month and a half without a yoga class. Sex went back to being just good, not great. It happened less frequently, and it was less intense. Fast forward after the New Year and two months of regular yoga, and sex is now back to jump-your-bones-on-the-kitchen-floor sex.
But, why?



My yoga teacher often emphasizes engaging the “mula bandha,” which is the area between your anus and bellybutton. The act of engaging it is like doing kegels, but in a yoga class filled with 70 or so more people, who are also doing kegels.


Kegels are meant to exercise the pelvic floor—they strengthen the muscles around your lower stomach, and the area between your vagina and anus. The muscles you tone during kegel exercises are the same ones used during an orgasm. Making them stronger can help to achieve an orgasm quickly and more intensely. Kegels are so incredibly easy to do, they can be done while sitting at work, while driving, while sitting in church even haha.



There are certain yoga poses where you
are constantly engaging, Over time, as those muscles grow stronger, orgasms become more powerful and more addicting.

My friend Michelle delivered her second daughter last May and vowed she wouldn't let her weight get in the way of her love life again. With a combination of cardio, weight lifting, and eating "clean" by cutting out fried and sugary processed foods, she shed the nearly 70 pounds of baby weight and is raring to go. "I pull out sexy lingerie, high heels, and toys," she says. "I initiate sex more than my husband does now!"

Certain medical conditions, from thyroid to immune-system disorders, can sap your sexual energy. One of the biggest culprits is depression. Do things that used to bring you great joy — like your orgasm — feel dull? Ask your doctor about therapy.

Weight training can make you more comfortable in bed by boosting your confidence emotionally and physically. Women who lift weights tend to feel empowered since weight training is often thought to be a man’s thing. It feels great to not be seen as the weaker sex. Additionally, weight training is an excellent way to burn fat, develop muscles and to keep the body fit and healthy. You’ll feel more confident about being naked in front of your partner when you are proud of your body. A negative body image can seriously affect your performance in bed, but with weight training you’ll get a sexy tight body in no time.

Research shows that women who exercise feel better about their bodies and have more energy for sex. Physical activity releases hormones, such as endorphins and dopamine, that are believed to affect sex drive. Best of all, working up a sweat increases sexual sensations almost immediately, Meston's groundbreaking studies have found. "It's the best cure for sluggish sexual arousal that we have," she says. Doing just 20 minutes of cardio at 75 percent of your maximum effort — when you can speak only in choppy sentences — increases sexual excitement by a remarkable 150 percent. "Exercise gets the body revved up," Meston explains. "So then, when you're in a sexual situation later, blood is sent to the genitals more quickly and intensely." The payoff? Better arousal and stronger orgasms.

A lot of women are so busy dwelling on their perceived flaws during sex that they sabotage their own pleasure. The cure: Doing a daily ritual to reduce anxiety about being seen nude, Meston says. Instead of grabbing for your robe post-shower, walk around the bathroom naked and purposely look in every mirror you pass, gazing at your whole body rather than your problem areas. Soon being bare will become so second nature that you'll be able to tune out your inner critic and tune into all the feel-good sensations when you're doing the deed

For other helpful tips on how to confront your spouse about weight I'd recommend reading this article first, its never easy to tell a loved one "hey you're super fat, you need to hit the gym and diet". This article helped us a lot :)
http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424127887323940004578255722852474856

It isn't easy, it isn't always fun, but remember on those hard days you are doing this for your marriage, you're doing this better the love you both have. As you start to see the inches fly off, the muscles and skin toned, and you're smile return from how happy you are from being able to finally wear a bikini for the first time in your life, you will love being fit, you will crave it, it will become just as important to you and you're marriage as sex, as dating, as cuddling.


If you're weight affects you and your spouse, sit down with them and set goals, what weight would you like to be at in so and so months? how do you want to look? how many days a week and for how long will it require to achieve this? What do I need to be eating to do so? will my spouse do it with me? honestly answering these questions are the first steps to saving your sex drive, and perhaps you're marriage as well.

As a side note: I learned this the hard way! Chewing gum daily causes our body to become extremely bloated, as well as causes major stomach & constipation issues where we feel as if we have to poop a lot but sometimes cant... I avoid it like the plague now and I look ten pounds lighter, and the constipation issues are gone :) woo-hoo!

MOST IMPORTANTLY... NOW IS THE TIME TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION TOGETHER, HOW HAS YOUR WEIGHT AFFECTED YOU? HOW HAS YOUR PARTNERS WEIGHT AFFECTED YOUR RELATIONSHIP, YOUR ATTRACTION TO THEM, HOW HAS IT AFFECTED YOUR SEX DRIVE, YOUR HEALTH, YOUR POTENTIAL LONG TERM CONSEQUENCES, AND WHAT STEPS CAN BE MADE TO FIX THESE ISSUES.