" I Would Never Do That "
There have been a lot of things in my lifetime that I wouldn't have imagined doing in my wildest dreams, in my most innocent and naïve state I would have though anything other than missionary sex was a full blown sin or otherwise gross. It's amazing how experience and an open mind changes things. I now do multiple positions, oral sex, wear slutty lingerie and show my cleavage in public (gasp), I roleplay, dirty talk like a porn star, I enjoy anal, gentle choking, being spanked, we've had threesomes with two men, two women, we've swapped with another couple even, heck I'm even a hotwife! It's amazing how better the sex has been every time I resisted the urge to say no, and instead pushed myself to try new things.
I wish every couple could experience the kind of sex we do, but all too sadly one individual in the marriage holds the couple back by limiting what they will or will not do, because they feel something to be immoral, gross, or otherwise scary... Sometimes both man and woman are at fault being inexperienced. This of course only hurts the marriage.
7 signs you’re not satisfying her In bed
She may “ooh” and “ahh” at all the right times but that doesn’t mean she’s actually feelin’ it. But you already knew that—and that’s precisely why you’re here, right?
When it comes to your ability to please your bedroom buddy, there’s both good news and bad news. First the good: According to one 2014 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, men slightly underestimate how satisfied their partners are in bed. Which means there’s a good chance she’s into it despite your doubts. The bad news? That doesn’t mean there aren’t women out there who wish that their sex life was a bit spicier. To help clue you into the signs that she’s not satisfied in bed, we talked to Megan Fleming, Ph.D. a clinical psychologist and sex therapist. Here, she reveals what signs could indicate her feelings are running cold and exactly how to make things right so she’ll be begging you for a second round. Read on to get in the know.
1. She’s Doesn’t Give Feedback
If you feel like she’s mentally checked out or she’ not responsive to your touch or verbal cues, “this could be an indicator she’s not feeling pleasure or that she’s not in the mood,” Fleming tells us. That said, some girls are shy and quiet in bed, and if that’s the case, she may not outright say that she’s loving your moves. Sound like your lady? Look for physical signs she’s enjoying herself. Panting, flushed skin, curled toes, and an arched back are all telltale signs you’re turning her on and pleasuring her. If she's not into it, none of these things will be evident and she may just lie there.
2. She Plays Director
On the other end of the spectrum, if she’s constantly telling you to “go faster” or “do it like this,” it may be a sign that you’re not giving her pleasure. But since she’s trying to help you improve, this shouldn’t be viewed as a bad thing, but rather as a learning experience. “If she’s giving you guidance and feedback, see the value of learning her preferred turn-ons,” says Fleming. “If she’s constantly giving you feedback she wants to help you get it right for her. If in the moment her suggestions leave you feeling like you can’t get it right no matter what you try, let her know that although well-intentioned, her instructions weren’t helpful.” Think a demo or video could help you better understand? Tell her that.
3. She Goes to Bed at a Different Time
—and this is a new behavior. If your girlfriend has always gone to bed early on Sundays or super late on Quantico nights, don’t sweat it. But if this is a new thing for her, she may be trying to avoid intimacy because she's feels you guys are in a sexual rut or she’s not happy with your performance. But before you freak out, know this: “It might also be because she has new pressures in the office and is exhausted or is simply not in the mood,” explains Fleming, adding, “Get curious and learn more. Ask her what conditions would need to shift or change for her to be excited to go to bed with you.”
4. She Doesn’t Want to Have Sex
It may be you and not her. “When your partner becomes less interested in sex, it’s time to get really curious and ask questions to learn more about what she feels is missing and what she would need from you to become more interested. The most important thing is that you don’t jump to conclusions,” says Fleming. You may discover that she wants to mix things up, or that she doesn’t like your go-to move, but you’ll likely learn other valuable information, too. “There are many reasons women may not be interested in having sex. Get a sense of what’s going on in her life. Does she have more work demands? Has her noisy roommate been waking her up in the middle of the night? Have you recently had difficulties staying aroused or have you been reaching orgasm quickly? There are a number of things that could be at play.”
5. She Doesn’t Want to Cuddle Afterwards
If she’s never been an after-sex snuggler, this likely isn’t cause for alarm, but if she’s always trying to be little spoon and then suddenly stops, something may be going on. “There are a number of reasons a woman may not want to cuddle after sex, and yes, one of them is that she’s not satisfied. If you’ve noticed a recent change in her sexual behavior or interest use it as an opportunity to discover her turn-ons and desires,” suggests Fleming.
6. She Talks About Other People’s “Great” Sex Lives
By now you probably know that not all women are direct. Sometimes we like to drop hints because we don’t feel comfortable flat out saying what’s on our mind. And that may be what’s going on here. If she keeps telling you about her BFF’s hot sex life, it could be her way of communicating to you that she’s not happy with what you guys have got going on between the sheets—and she wants to spice things up! So what’s your next move? “Express interest and ask her to tell you more!” advises Fleming. “Ask her what makes their sex lives hot and find out if they’ve done anything she’s up for trying with you.” This gives you the opportunity to give her exactly what she craves.
7. She Doesn’t Care if She Orgasms
This one doesn’t hold true for all women so before jumping to any conclusions, it’s important to stop and think about your partner. “Some women enjoy sex for the pleasure and connection and aren’t particularly attached to whether or not they have an orgasm. Other women desire and strive for an orgasm every time,” explains Fleming. “Some women have never had an orgasm and may or may not want you to take on that challenge. Find out what her orgasm means to her, and don’t simply assume she doesn’t care about having one because you’re not pleasuring her.” That said, if she’s previously been focused on reaching the big O every time you have sex and that’s no longer the case she may have stopped trying to go over the edge because she doesn’t think you can get her there.
13 Signs Your Man Is Unsatisfied In Bed And Disappointed With Your Sex Life
If he stops asking you to have sex? News flash: it's not good.
While you may have your own two cents about your sex life with your partner, have you ever wondered if he is truly satisfied? I should hope that you would know without a doubt, but sometimes people miss big huge red flags, especially because most people won't flat out tell you, "Hey man, our sex life sucks."
But after speaking to some men, I got the scoop on the signs your sex life sucks and that he's not satisfied with your sexual relationship. If you notice any of these signs, stop and talk to your partner before it's too late, and he's packing his bags and romping in the sheets with another person.
Overall, the biggest consensus is that if he stops initiating or talking about sex, you two are in deep, deep trouble.
1. You two are drifting apart.
"I'll be more distant and initiate less and less."
2. He's not mentally present during sex.
3. He randomly switches things up.
"One time, I was getting such bad oral sex from a woman that I turned the attention to her and tried to please her orally for the rest of the night rather than let her continue on. It was my polite way of handling it."
4. He tells you up front that your skills are lacking.
"I told her straight out, 'You're really bad at oral.'"
5. He puts on porn.
"If the sex is bad, I'll prefer having porn playing whenever we have sex. Like, every time."
6. He tries to get it over with.
"For me, if I rush it, that likely means I'm not finding the sex great. I am not a big fan of quickies. So if sex goes too fast, that means I don't love it."
7. He stops initiating.
"If I stop initiating, it's a sign the sex sucks."
8. He goes to bed earlier than you.
9. He daydreams mid-coitus.
"If I think it sucks for whatever reason, I probably daydream during sex."
10. He refrains from sex completely.
"I'll avoid altogether if it sucks."
11. He doesn't touch you.
"Of all the signs your sex life sucks, the biggest one is when I don't initiate physical contact. When a man doesn't initiate it means one of two things: either he doesn't want you at all, or he wants you to initiate so he can feel wanted."
12. He zones out.
13. He doesn't want to talk about sex. Period.
"I'll avoid even talking about sex if things aren't going well. I might laugh if she says something sexual, but instead of going after it, I'll just change the subject."
Now the reasons they aren't into you sexually may be due to:
1They Rush Through Foreplay
2They Don’t Prioritize Your Pleasure
3They’re Full Of Excuses
4They’re Never Down To Try Your Fantasies (Even If They Say They’re Comfortable)
5They Always Want To Stick To The Same Position (Knowing It Does Nothing For You)
6They’re Not Communicative
7They Don’t Make Time For Sex
If All Else Fails, Have His Nights/Her Nights
If there’s something she/he likes that you’re willing to do, but you really don’t like it, consider once a month having his nights/her nights. Once a month you’ll make love totally for him, and once a month for her. And then the other times you’ll just do it as you prefer to neither of you doesn’t feel deprived, but you both get what you want. Maybe your night starts with a long back massage. That’s totally fair!
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