YOUR SEX DRIVE IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY, AND YOURS ALONE

Reasons Why I’m Giving My Husband a Blowjob

As a marital & sexual counselor I have the pleasure of walking couples and individuals through a journey of sexual and marital healing. Throughout these journeys we’re also fortunate enough to have many amazing couples who are willing enough to anonymously share their amazing journeys and how they were able to improve the relationship over time.

Today our focus is not so much on couples, so much as it is a focus on a rather self-destructive and disturbing trend coming from one spouse: the spouse who we’ll just call “Andy”, or the lazy spouse.

As a bit of a background to the story this 100% real couple struggled with one of the spouses who was simply unwilling to contribute to the relationship, and the other who was being forced to give until they were broken inside the point they had lost all trust in the spouse they once loved.

We’ve all done it at some point in our relationships, complacency begins to kick in, we get lazy, we stop putting efforts into ourselves, our home, our spouse, and even our family. While this can apply to both men and women, as a professional I see it more often than not occurring with the female, specifically the SAHM’s.

Picture this; a husband who works 40 hours per week, who also spends 20 hours per week in graduate school finishing up an economics degree, who comes home daily and takes over for his wife with children duties so that she can rest, doing so until he leaves for work the next day. In addition, he still manages to exercise 2 hours per day in the early morning, splits household chores with his wife, takes care of all outdoor projects including shoveling the snow, mowing the lawn, pulling the weeds, as well as any other necessary home projects. Despite this overwhelming work load he still manages quality time with his children and wife, striving to maintain a happy and healthy marriage. Overwhelmed and exhausted he begs her to spend more time investing romantically and sexually in their relationship.

Now here’s the kicker, picture this; a wife who spends her days as a stay at home mother, whose only duties is to split a few chores such as dusting, dishes, and sweeping, as well as watching her children for half the da y. Despite her free time she doesn’t contribute to any outdoor chores, doesn’t have to worry about any other responsibility in life! Amazing isn’t it! It’s a dream! Now here’s the problem, during the midst of her 8-10 hours of free time per day in which she spends them watching the most recent Law and Order episodes, playing bubble-pop on her phone, browsing Pinterest for hours, she refuses to exercise (gaining immense weight), she with her hours of free time can’t even muster up a mere hour of time towards investing in her own body to stay healthy, nor put time or effort into curing the cause of her low libido that is tearing the marriage apart.

Trust me when I say as a former and current part time SAHM myself I know how easy it is to let ourselves go. But really ladies, is this fair to our husbands? They exhaust themselves daily, having mere minutes of free time per day, and still managing to maintain a happy home, happy children, and happy wife who he loves and adores, serving them diligently. And what do we do? A few dishes? Maybe the laundry or wiping down some toilets once a week? Is it really so hard to spend maybe an hour a day investing in our own health through exercise? And maybe another hour improving our sexuality that he needs so badly to connect with? You’re sucking  the life and souls from the man you love. Ever notice your man feeling down? Overwhelmed from all he does? Indifferent towards you or your affection? Chances are he’s extremely disappointed you don’t love him enough to give a damn and meet the one and only need a husband needs… 

SHAME. ON. YOU.

You’re the type of woman who gets cheated on, you’re the type of woman who gets requests for an open marriage after years of pleading in his part, and you’re the woman who one day he will walk out on, having emotionally walked out on him decades ago. 

SHAME. ON. YOU.

Don’t complain to him about his short comings, don’t tell him you don’t know why your libido is gone (because he sure as heck knows you’re not trying to fix it), don’t tell him you both need counselling, because what you need is individual counselling, and don’t tell him he’s being needy and he should just suppress his need for intimacy, because that’s just a kick to his crotch…

As a marriage counselor

As a sexual therapist

As a wife myself

As a woman

As a human being

Your husband needs 1 simple thing, YOU. Is he not worth a simple hour of your time to meet one his needs, since he after all meets about 50 or so of yours?

If your husband (who serves you & treats you like a queen) comes to you with a simple request, asking for intimacy and sexual desire from your part to increase, and you don’t have the empathy, compassion, or even love enough to spend a mere hour or more a day to fix this, do not complain when he shuts you out emotionally, do not complain we you find out he cheated on you, do not complain when he asks you for an open relationship, and do not complain we he asks you for a divorce out of the blue. You have dug your own grave, you’ve destroyed him as a man, husband, and human being. You had hours per day free to fix it, to figure out why you aren’t in the mood, to sexually educate yourself, or even work at getting to know yourself and your sexual wants, well then, you just don’t care, and you just don’t love him enough to try and fix it.

Today our client who we’ll just call “Amy” explains the reasons why she gives her husband a blowjob.

“Hey Mom, we are out of milk. Can you go grab some please?”

Uggggghhh. If the temperature outside is below my current age, I am definitely braless, in pajamas, with no intentions of venturing anywhere. I’m content in my blanket, curled up with my German Shepherd, completely engrossed in this Law & Order SVU marathon.

“MOOOOOOOMMMMM , we are starving here!”

Crap. Where is your dad? Oh, he’s outside shoveling our driveway. I better text him then. I don’t want to risk keying any of our vehicles with my nipples.

Me – “Hey babe, we don’t have any milk.”
Reply – “So, can you go get it? I’m kind of busy here…”
Me- “I will give you a BJ.”

Yeah, I thought so. There was no reply needed. I hear him drive off, the tires squealing in delight.
It is safe to assume we all have done it at some point. We play the blow job card. And we play it sensibly. We pull it out (ahem, or should I say make him pull it out) for the most logical reasons. For when it benefits us. For these four reasons listed.

1. For Evasion.
I play the BJ card for when I want to get out of something. Usually that something involves chores, (a.k.a ‘chore play’), having to get dressed to run errands in inclement weather, or paying my Target charge. Yes, gasp, I’ve even traded my BJ card for money. Like even for a few measly dollars, just so I could get money to have a few extra glasses of wine with my girlfriends that evening. Because guaranteed they were doing the exact same shit. (We are all deemed the Momstitutes.)

2. For Avoidance.
I’ve utilized my BJ card to evade people. I’ve gotten out of attending a few in-law birthday parties, some chauffeuring gigs involving a bunch of giddy teenage girls, and those dreaded conversations with customer service cable representatives.

3. As a Diversion.
I apply the BJ card as a distraction technique, usually when the culprits involve my children and I ultimately have to save their precious little asses over nonsense. Like, when my youngest spills nail polish on her bedroom carpet, or my oldest doesn’t clean out the litter box after 27 reminders. (I must admit, however, this backfired on me once. It was the afternoon I took my husband’s new truck out and it accidentally grazed another vehicle. By the end of that diversion, I was googling how to relieve symptoms of TMJ. Luckily for both of us, the only permanent damage was on his truck’s front bumper.)

4. As a Substitution.
The BJ card is also nice to fall back on in place of just sex. Like when I washed the sheets that morning, or actually took time to straighten and style my hair, or I have to be somewhere in 8 minutes and I don’t have time to deal with that after sex semen spunk dripping down my leg.

In hindsight, this might sound a bit crazy to some. This whole, succumbing to blow job bribery to relieve some of your work load by taking on his load, just so the kids have milk in their Lucky Charms.

Especially since we already know what’s expected in return if WE are the ones going to the store.

Groceries.

You see a blowjob is not only a great bargaining tool, but a good way to show him that all he does to help you, the countless exhausting hours, the mental despair he puts himself through to please you and your family, that that means something to you! That you appreciate him, that you want to feel close to him!

Now of course sex should never be a bargaining chip to get things done, but its at least a place to start meeting at least one of his basic needs.

Ultimately, we as women and men need to be vulnerable enough to admit to ourselves when we’re failing our spouse, when we’re lazy and just not putting the time in to our relationship. So, ladies (and men who similarly offend), put down the t.v. remote, turn off the “days of our lives” marathon, make yourselves presentable, and take some time every day to contemplate your marriage, and your own sexuality, who you alone are responsible, for how is he to know how to please and stimulate you if even you yourself don’t know how. And how can he ever restore your libido, if you yourself won’t put in time to fix what’s wrong.

In instances where two people marry in good faith, sincerely pledging sexual faithfulness to one another for life, could it be said that they have a moral obligation to fulfill one another’s sexual desires? YES!

Accidental Sexism. is at its end, men more and more are stepping up to the plate and meeting each and every one of our needs as wives and females, they provide for us, they take pride in assisting with chores, home duties, finances, and of course romance and love. I think it’s secretly a major root cause of modern-day relationship failure. Accidental Sexism is what happens when men assume their wives will pick up after them, fold their clothes, cook them dinner, plan family and social activities, etc. because that’s how they remember it working in their childhood homes. Ladies, please wake up! if your man is meeting these vital and essential needs and you cant muster up the fortitude to work towards meeting his it may be time for you to seek out personal counselling to address your serious lack of love and respect for the man you supposedly "love".

Marriage is about what YOU can give to your marriage. It’s about how YOU can make your spouse’s life better. So here's the question, what are you doing to make your spouses life better? Anything? Anything at all?

YOU owe your marriage energy and effort.

YOU owe your spouse love and respect.

YOU owe your family humble, selfless leadership.

I am committed to feminism and don’t understand why anyone would agree to be party to a relationship that is not absolutely equal. Is your marriage equal? what do you add to the table? What do they add? time to talk ladies if your not pulling your weight.

Dear God ladies, you literally owe him at minimum 2 blowjobs per week as well as sex, please stop creating an emotional death in your man by letting this wifely duty slip through the cracks, your destroying him daily! PLEASE IF YOU LOVE HIM STOP THE PATTERN and fuck his brains out, and suck his cock.
While I generally don't encourage women to use sex to get what she wants, if that's what it takes then by all means do it, give him a star chart, if he does 5 different chores give him head, if he gets a gold star for going above and beyond fuck him, use your imagination ladies. HE HAS NEEDS TOO.

Blow Jobs For Chores: The Mommyish Method To Marital Bliss: All of these comments are from anonymous women.

"If he wants blowjobs, he better be clean down there! No kissing until teeth have been brushed, because morning breath, duh. Will exchange doggie style for fantastic cunnilingus."

"He's gotta be recently showered if I'm going to go down on him. And if he wants anything in the direction of the butt, he must provide the alcohol."

"If I have sex with [my husband], he will a) not fall asleep right afterwards, and b) fix whatever needs fixing around the house the following day. It's the only way I get any home repairs done!"

"I'd love him to go down on me in exchange for me getting down on my hands and knees to clean the three toilets in our house. Ugh."

"I ask for endless massages in exchange for sex. It's a win-win."

"I just got an AWESOME massage recently and gave it up for anal (my first time). Not sure if it was worth it, ha ha."

"I'll trade hubby a BJ if he washes my car or if he cleans the bathroom floor and toilet. Needles to say, I drive a shiny car and hardly ever have to clean the bathroom."

Like we said, ideally sex is something that happens in the moment with both of you being generous, caring to please each other. But sometimes a little negotiation goes a long ways toward keeping you both happy in bed. Ain't nothing wrong with that!

If you won’t prime your pump on your own your sex life will never change, he will learn to hate you, and eventually your relationship becomes a partnership as parents.

1. Give him a blowjob at least once a week. This is not hard to do. It does not have to be the same day every week, but do it when the mood strikes you. He would be more than happy to come home from a long day of work to a blowjob. Trust me. And any man who says he doesn’t like blowjobs either had a bad experience or is married to someone who won’t give them. What a shame. As I said before ladies, put it in your mouth and tell me it doesn’t change your life. And, most men will agree, you need to swallow. If you don’t swallow, you need to learn how.

Spitters are quitters.

2. Give it up more often. Sleeping with your husband should not be work. It should be pleasure. I trust you have all heard, “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” Your mom and/or grandmother have told you this for years. Your mother-in-law told you the same thing when you and your husband got engaged. But she wasn’t sleeping with him. Don’t listen to them. This is false. This is the “Better Homes and Gardens” version. The real way to a man’s heart is through sex. He would be happier to have KFC and a blowjob or sex than homemade rosemary chicken with two sides and fresh baked bread and a wife too tired to give it up.

3. Step up your sex game. Put on some slutty clothes and tell him you have been a bad girl. Send him text messages telling him what a dirty girl you are. My husband is probably pretty satisfied with our sex life because we put effort into it. I have said yes to everything he has wanted to try that only involves two people. Step. It. Up.

4. Quit bitching! This would go a long way to keeping your husband happy. Does it really matter which way the toilet paper is on the roll as long as it is on there? Does it really matter if he hasn’t taken the trash out today? Are your hands broken? No? Well then be sure to put the new bag in the trash can so that it doesn’t slip down when you start putting trash in it. There is always “that wife” in the circle of friends who makes everyone uncomfortable because she is bitching all the time and just tears her husband apart over the stupidest things. Don’t be “that wife”. If you don’t know who that is, it is you. Stop. Now.

5. Let him look at other women. So he likes Kate Upton because she is hot. (Honestly, who doesn’t? She is pretty hot.) So what? Let him look at her. She is not going to swoop in and take your husband away to some magical land where all they do is bang it out all day. This is not going to happen. So let him look. Let him peep someone out at the mall. Is it really hurting you? No, especially since you were eye balling Channing Tatum in Magic Mike. Who cares where he gets his appetite as long as he comes home to eat.

6. Don’t use the kids as an excuse. We have three kids, with 9 years between the first and last. I have had little kids at home for a very long time. When I gave birth to all three of our kids and “wasn’t available,” my mouth still was. The world doesn’t stop because you become parents. How did you get that way? This especially pertains to the stay at home moms. I work full time and I give a weekly blowjob. Plus, we bang it out a few times a week. Make it a priority. Don’t grow apart, grow together. I understand that things are hard and chaotic, but that is life. This means that sometimes, you have to get it in when you can fit it in.

Stop the madness! Give it up. Bang it out. That is the key to a happy marriage.

If you really want to become the perfect wife consider reading and mastering the article listed below. 
https://youqueen.com/love/in-bed/50-tips-on-how-to-give-a-great-blow-job/

So remember you lazy lovers, use it before you lose it...