Enthusiasm… What makes or breaks a sexually healthy relationship.

Enthusiasm…

What makes or breaks a sexually healthy relationship.

Why is it some men and women simply can’t get enough of each other in bed, while others can’t even muster up the desire to do it at all...

Women frequently email us about why their man doesn't seem to ever be pleased in bed, they tell me things like "they let them have sex with me once a week, I kiss him, sometimes go down on him for a couple minutes, let him penetrate men, yet he never seems to be happy and enjoy it, he says its because I lack enthusiasm" or something along those lines. Let me ask you this ladies, if you were out on a date and he was on his phone the whole time how would you feel? Unwanted? Offended? Frustrated? Or if you were out on a date doing something that you loved but he didn't, and he just mopped around like a sad puppy, not engaging in the date, or again being on his phone, or even complaining he didn't like doing certain things, how would you feel at the end of your date? This is how he feels when your sexual effort lacks enthusiasm! its not enough just to be there, he wants to see you engaged with him, showing you want to do this and want him as much as he wants you!!! sex is about becoming one, putting aside our dislikes to do things that please our spouse, just as is marriage. A woman who lacks enthusiasm in bed is a woman who makes him feel unwanted and unloved. 

Enthusiasm is what separates the men from the little boys, the women from the shy girls, IT IS THE HEART AND SOUL OF MARRITAL SEX. It’s the thing that turns once a week or month sex mindset into “oh my gosh, can we do that again in an hour” mentality. Why is it that people who put in time and effort into being sexual without their spouse asking, tend to have the happiest, most enjoyable sex out of all of us?

Let me ask you this, how great is it to come home and see our spouse has done the dishes, taken out the trash, cleaned the bedroom, offers to get the crying baby first, without ever having to ask them to do so? Sex is much the same, it kind of sucks having to ask for what we want… How great is it to sometimes be doing the dishes and have our husbands push us up on the counter so he can eat us out to orgasm before gently letting us get back to work? Or how incredible is it to be getting dressed and without saying a word she drops his pants and drops to her knees to give us a surprise I love you BJ? Its amazing! It’s a total shocker, it keeps sex fun, spicy, unpredictable, it makes us crave it, crave them, need it more often even.

Nothing gets our sex drive back on track and rearing to go like our own minds, sure theres things we can do together, or even on our own like masturbating, watching movies, reading erotica, listening to kinky music, but nothing gets our fantasies going like our own minds. For myself If I don’t have something written down or planned, I’ll simply forget to do it. Recently I created my own “little black sex book” where I have listed everything imaginable to keep our sex life fun and exciting. It includes date ideas, romantic ideas, loving gestures or gifts I could give to him, sex positions, seduction techniques, sex techniques, places to be sexual, ways to tease him, etc. having this helps ease my mind and make it feel like less of a performance with stress to please them.

I’ve found that as I go over the list in the morning and select an item, my mind then focuses on it all day, imagining what it’s going to be like. By allowing my mind to imagine the act, I’m not only preparing to surprise him, but I’m getting wet just thinking about it. My mind begins to play it out in my head, thinking “how will he react when he sees me in lingerie when he walks through the front door” or “what will he do when I unzip his pants in the dark parking lot and start blowing him to heaven” or even “how will it feel when I get dominant with him and force his head into my clit”. Taking time to plan out sexual ideas benefits both sides immensely, and takes the pressure off of us to perform.

When we take the time to study our spouse, their likes, desires, fantasies, we not only better know their needs, but become more willing to surrender our actions to their fantasies, in essence, we fall deeper in love with them. Nothing makes me feel more loved than having Brett surprise me orally, and then walking away once I orgasm without any expectation of sex, and nothing pleases him more than me aggressively devouring his manhood out of the blue. Sure, its great to communicate desires and wants, but how much better is it to do things without ever having to be asked? That is true love my friends, that is selfless dedication to pleasing our spouse and helping to achieve fulfilment within our relationships.

So girls (and less enthusiastic guys), grow up, get aggressive, get excited, don’t wait for them to seduce you, be the initiator, seduce each other regularly and you will soon have matching libidos. When it comes to sex, you can get an “A” for effort. Guys want to be with someone who's actually into sex and not doing it as a favor or just going through the motions. Men want a lover who is willing to try new things from time to time. That doesn't mean you have to go all 50 Shades of Grey. Just be open to ideas.

We normally think of women as the ones who need reassurance about their appearance, but men get insecure, too. A lover who will find something to compliment and worship about her partner will never lack affection from him. It's not a cliché, ladies. A man wants a woman who will tell him what to do -- at least in the bedroom. Most guys will be thankful for a little instruction, especially if it means they'll succeed at pleasuring you. Men want someone who will leave the lights on and let him get a good look at her. Stop worrying about covering up any squishy parts.

A spouse unable to show enthusiasm is comparable to half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, the man being the peanut butter, the woman being the jelly, one slice being the love and affection, the other slice being our enthusiasm. Take even one of these ingredients away and sex loses half its meaning and enjoyment. Sure, we can force ourselves at times, and imagine that the only person we're harming is our-self, but that's just not true, when our heart isn't in it we cant show enthusiasm, nor can we fake it. it is these marriages that are most dangerous, most at risk for failure or even infidelity.

A woman who keeps sex in the forefront of her thoughts knows how to inject it into life outside the bedroom -- and that's sexy.

• Try sexting him or be extra naughty and playful in public. “Dirty talk is just another fun way to arouse your man. It also turns them on psychologically because men are super attracted to women who are sexually uninhibited.”

• Swallowing his love juice may seem gross to you but to a guy it means that you accept all of him -- so do it!

• What guy doesn't want a woman who gives great… massages? And not just the sexual sort, though they can be very erotic. Men want to feel good all over, just like you do.

• A woman willing to touch and please herself in front of her man is confident in herself.

• You might think, why waste money on lingerie that's just going to get crumpled up in a ball and tossed on the floor in two seconds? But men are visual and seeing the present they are about to unwrap is important to them!

• Men don't always want sex to be sweet, loving or romantic. Sometimes he wants it to be a little rough and dirty -- it isn't always about the emotional connectedness between you.

• Are you the girl who needs everything to be “just right” before you can do it? Or are you willing to pull over to a roadside motel and “just do it”? No one is always in the mood, but the more effort you make, the more you'll end up wanting it.

• Instead of planning a trip out on the town, make your bedroom the destination for a weekend -- we're talking no breaks except to order takeout!

• Whether it's a certain position or a way that you finish him off, make up a signature move that's all about him -- even name it after him!

• He wants to feel like he's the only guy in your world, and this is a great way to let him know that. Don't fake it -- but if he makes you feel good do let him know, and do it expressively.

• Meet him at the office wearing a trench coat and nothing underneath but sexy lingerie — or nothing at all. Lock his office door (or don't!) and have sex on the desk or floor. There's something hot about office sex, even with your hubby.

• Give him a good reason to get up in the morning. Wake him up with your mouth. No guy will turn down a morning blow job. Don't be lazy about it either — really get into it and don't make these common oral sex mistakes. Remember that oral sex shouldn't only be a prelude to intercourse. Do it all the way, and hopefully he'll return the favor.

• Fake it, You can turn any boring day into a sexual adventure with a little creativity. Ask him to come with you to your mother's this weekend and volunteer to drive. Instead of going to see your parents, take a wrong turn on a secluded road. Pull over and seduce him in the car.

• Talk dirty, If your man likes to hear dirty talk but you've always been a little uncomfortable about it, try to let go of your inhibitions. Start by leaving him a note or text message about all the filthy things you want to do with him. Work your way up to sexy voicemails (just not on his office phone!) and eventually start talking — or at least whispering — dirty things to him in bed. Forget Your Underwear On Purpose.

• Try giving him some new intense sensations he’s never felt before, like letting your hair trail across his body or using your silkiest pair of panties to massage his member.

• Here’s how to give him a really sneaky surprise – stand close behind him and stroke his member from behind. You’ll be gripping it from the underside – which is the most sensitive – and it’s also how he holds it when he touches himself.

• You can do a few things for him that he can’t do for himself – like whisper sexy words in his ear or kiss him on the neck and shoulders

• Tease Til He Begs For Mercy, Try kissing your way down his chest towards his member like you’re about to give him oral, then smiling and kissing your way right back up. Rinse and repeat until he can’t take it anymore.

• Give Him A Treat And Do All The Work. Sometimes, guys just don’t feel that encouraged to have sex. That’s why sometimes, it’s amazing to treat your guy to sex that doesn’t require him to lift a finger. Take control and do everything for him, including taking his pants off. When he realizes he’s getting pampered, he’ll be especially excited to return the favor later.

• Unleash His Wild Side, If you want to unleash his inner animal and unlock the passion within, try this sexy move – have sex with him while you’re both standing up. For extra style points, have him hold you up against the wall while you wrap your legs around his lower back.

• Manhandle Him, Sometimes, playing rough is the best way to really stoke the fire in the bedroom. Try pinching his nipples or using your nails to scratch his back. Don’t worry about going hard – he can take it!

• Get Him Ready To Go Again, Is he spent? Try giving him some compliments – and telling him how hot he makes you – in order to warm his engine back up and get him ready to go again.

These of course are just a few ideas, but of course taking the time to come up with new ideas yourself can be as equally pleasurable. While this is intended for women, who more often than not have trouble being the enthusiastic ones, it applies to both sides... it takes two to tango!